Eye of the Beholder

The last few months have a been a blur - literally.  After experiencing iritis in February, things still aren't back to normal.  I experienced another flare up and my eyesight got worse.  The eye drops were finally stopped two weeks ago.  My eye has scarring around the pupil which has caused my pupil to remain enlarged even after the dilating drops were stopped a month prior to the other drops.  While it is not as pronounced as it was, I still feel a bit like a freak.  One pupil still makes me look like I am half on drugs.  I still can't focus well and I am rather light-sensitive although not to the point of being a vampire (any more, thank goodness!).  I have taken this time to reorganize and purge all kinds of crap lingering around the house.  I am proud to say that I would no longer qualify to be featured on the show "Hoarders".


All this lack of vision, has affected my reading ability and it also attacked my sense of doing anything.  Perhaps that is also called depression or boredom, unsure which it was.  This weekend I was so happy to have a three day weekend that I spent Saturday being completely selfish of my time.  I spent the day doing something mindless and rather odd (according to my children).  I was feeling crafty yet I just purged many of my "found" objects and sources of inspiration in my earlier cleaning frenzies.  Luckily, I had a porcelain doll that happened to catch my good eye.  Really.  That just wasn't met to be a stupid pun.  


My neighbor just had a yard sale and she piled up the leftovers on the sidewalk with a "free" sign.  While supervising my 10 year old son mow her lawn, I took the opportunity to dig through the discards.  I rescued two strands of net lights for bushes (score!), two metal boxes which I have already began to alter into memento holders and a Victorian-style bride doll.  She had seen better days.  Her hair was in good shape but her stockings were yellowed; her face was dirty; and she seemed as if she had been played with instead of put on the shelf and left alone to collect dust as most dolls of this nature.  Perfect for transforming into something more modern!  I dyed her hair, added body jewelry and art, and completely overhauled her dress.  I cut off the lace top and high collar -  removed the long and puffy parts of the sleeves - added some color and fanciful decorations utilizing other found items from previous scavenging adventures.


Much like Cinderella morphing from an ember-tinged housecleaning slave this poor little bride has become the envy of all dolls stuck in the much fascinated about but ultimately boring and female-oppressed era.  She now resembles more of a rockabilly chick.  I was going for The Cigarette Girls Burlesque-inspired look.  I think it was almost achieved.  I am stoked.  Now, I just have to figure out what to do with her.  I don't think my husband appreciates having a tattooed and pierced doll on the mantle above the fireplace.

This is obviously the before picture.
My camera battery died before I could take a picture of her horrible up-do.
I think you can get the idea of what she looked like - rather conservative.

In this one you can see her nose piercing and multiple earrings.

If you look hard you can see the butterfly tattoo on her leg and tattoos on her forearm.

I made the corset-style ties out of eye-hooks and latches that were in a sewing kit I purchased at an  estate sale.  I know they were old.  The price tag was still on the card they were sewn onto - 19¢

This tattoo is my favorite since it goes against everything Victorian and prude.
Too bad it doesn't show up well in this picture.

Whatever

Is it wrong to mock your children?  If so, I have been a bad mother for quite some time.  In my house it is not uncommon for the boys to say my name like "mmmmooohhhhhmm" and for me to respond with their name in the same tone.  When I have had it with bad attitudes they are exhibiting I start answering their questions in the same manner. 

"Mom, when is dinner?"  

"Whatever." 

"No, Mom, what is for dinner?"  

"Whatever."  

"Mom, come on, what are we having for dinner."  

"Why do you have to ask me so many questions?  I can't think....."

A few weeks ago, I got so frustrated at feeding the children and having them act like dogs that get fed and come running to their dishes only to run away away again after scarfing down their food, I just didn't make dinner.  Not at all.  It was after 8:30 when my oldest son came out and asked about dinner.  My husband informed him that Mom wasn't making anything because she was tired of the way they expect to be fed and don't interact with me unless forced.  He looks at me.  The younger one stands by his side, eyes open wide..I unleashed.  Why do I have to go in their rooms to talk to them?  Why do I have to force conversations?  They hadn't been asking me anything or talking to me unless they wanted something.  After they get answers they disappear to their rooms to play on ipods, xbox, blah, blah.  Why should I cook dinner for someone who doesn't care back?  I wouldn't cook dinner for dad if he ignored me all the time.  Why are they different?  They had cereal that evening.  I got the response I wanted because now they make a point to come out of their caves (aka bedrooms) and at least say "hello" when I get home at night.

Occasionally, I go on strike to make a point.  Sometimes this affects my husband, sometimes not.  It can be the little things that I get tired of doing without others pitching in.  Laundry.  Dishes.  Grocery shopping.  Once they realize it, they pitch in and life returns to normal.  Should this even happen?  Do other mothers go through this?  I don't care who says parenting is wonderful.  It makes me want to drink.

The "Eyes" Have it

February sucks!  I hate it.  It has not been a good month for me.  I will be happy when it is over.  It is a good thing it is the shortest month because it may end up killing me.  I think this leap-year of 29 days is crap.  I would prefer this was a normal year.  

On February 1st, I woke up with what I thought was allergies and my left eye was red and watering.  On February 2nd, I woke up with my left eye swollen and feeling like it was popping out of the socket.  It wasn't watering.  It was like a hose was hooked up to it due to the amount of tears that were streaming from it.  It was blood red.  The light was excruciating.  I had to fashion a makeshift eye patch out of a silk scarf and call my best friend to pick the kids up and take them to school.  There was no way I could drive.  I couldn't even keep my eye open and all light seemed to feel like a knife twisting in my cornea.   Moving my eye felt like have a muscle strain in my head.   Horrid!  I took my first sick day at work.   At least it was for a good reason...

This is how I felt the first morning

I found an eye doctor and a diagnosis that day.   The doctor said I had Iritis (eye-right-us).  It is an inflammation of the iris.  In me--that is the blue part of my eye.  It began to swell.  The pupil couldn't constrict or dilate due to the inflammation. I learned that even if one eye is closed (or covered with a patch or a silk scarf) that the eye will still react to light when the seeing eye does.  That explains the constant pain and watering even though it was covered.  I was prescribed steroid eye drops and another to dilate my pupil.  It started to get better.  I went in for a follow up the next Monday.  The doctor said everything looked good and to start tapering the dosage.  So I did.  Then things started to get progressively worse.  A week later I was back to where I had been two weeks prior.  I was referred to a specialist.

The specialist said the inflammation had gotten ahead of the medication.  Even though I had dilating drops, my pupil was not dilated.  My vision had a white blur which was caused by the build up of white blood cells in the eye.  My pupil couldn't move.  It fused to the iris.  I had a number of tears inside my eye caused by the pupil trying to move.  Essentially, it was like superglue in my eyeball.  I got more eye drops to be used every hour for a week.  Dilating drops twice a day now.  Return visit in a week.

Do you see how creepy it looks with one pupil dilated!!!

At this point, it seems to be healing but it still hurts like hell.  My eye is super light sensitive.  On the plus side, it is no longer blood red, just bloodshot.  Worse than hangover bloodshot but better.  I have been wearing a pair of fit-over sunglasses over the top of my normal glasses for over two weeks.  I feel like Stevie Wonder.   

What I have discovered is that this Iritis is similar to having arthritis in your eyeball.  WTF!  It is also the third leading cause of blindness is the world, behind glaucoma and cataracts.   The clincher is that if left untreated or out of control it can cause the aforementioned.  There is really no way to determine what caused this unless I have another case of it.  Usually it is caused by autoimmune disorders.  Blah!!!!!  Aargh!!!  Also, all the literature I seem to find has pictures of eyeballs.  Makes sense but I hate looking at eyeballs.  Also, my sister has a phobia of them so we haven't been facetiming as often since my eye creeps her out.  

This is the kind of diagram I see on nearly all the literature I read about Iritis

My life activities have been affected.  I can't read since I can't focus.  This really bites because I was reading "Atlas Shrugged" and now there is no way I am going to finish before it is due back at the library.  The tv's have all been dimmed.  I can't watch tv in bed either because it can't be turned down enough to stop my eye from watering.  Watching tv with one shut sucks because I just end up falling asleep.  Sleeping is hard since my eye waters at night and feels like it is popping out of my socket.  My computer LED backlight is turned off.  It is difficult to type from copy at work.  It is hard to proof read also.  If you find typos in this, please keep them to yourself.  I don't care.  It is hard to write when you can't see.  Driving is near impossible when you can't focus, or open your eye, or stop the eye from watering.  In Montana, the snow is like driving on a mirror and it reflects the light.  It is more like driving at night when everyone coming at you has their brights on.   The curtains at home are drawn.  It is like being a vampire.  The light may kill me.  I hate this!  It shouldn't be call "iritis" it should be called eye-wrongus.  Plus, I feel like Popeye.  

It's too bad that an eye-patch won't help.  I would wear one like this if it did.....

English is my first language, dork is my second

I have not been able to learn to speak in a foreign language.  I have tried Spanish, French and Russian.  Didn't take.  Programming languages - a different story.  I seem to understand code like it was the dominant language of my youth.  I pick it up quickly.  If it is something I am unfamiliar with all I need to do is read a source code and I can figure it out.  

I had a Commodore 64 when I was 11.  I was able to figure out the code to make the creepy voice speak phonetically to pronounce curse words until my dad caught me.  After that, the computer moved locations and I had to use it in his presence.  Blah!  I was off to a good start though.

My early foundations were on DOS.  It really blows me away that no one seems to use DOS anymore.  If more people understood it they wouldn't need computer repair technicians as often.  Many of my computer problems have been solved at home by using what is now called “Command Prompt.” When I was on the phone with tech support for a networking problem, they actually tried to walk me through it. It was hard not to laugh.

When I first started a geocities web page (1997ish), I had windows 3.1.  It was not Java enabled.  I couldn't use the cool features to drag and drop text and images.  I checked out a HTML book from the library and typed the whole page in longhand.  I was dedicated and bored.  I can still program in HTML and the things I don't know I just look up on the internet. 

In college, I spent at least one class a semester programming and coding which was later used for GIS.  I know there was basic, python, visual basic, C, Pascal, and java (which I studied on my own).  I can produce queries like no other in Access and link them through other applications.  I also learned how to import data from other programs and geographically represent them on maps.  Oh, good times... 

The new web page at works allows widgets for text and images but not solid coding.  You can't upload scripts--only images to the host site.   I have found how to circumnavigate this to produce flash slideshows.  I researched flash enabled slideshows using flickr.  The slideshows that are created through flickr are boring.  They can't continually run.  They automatically stop when the last picture is reached and you can't edit information around them to say what the picture is showing.  

I found a slideshow I liked and embedded the link into the new work website.  I edited the source code to reference our flickr account and the set of pictures I wanted.  Because I copied a section of code, I could modify the background colors, text colors and image size.  The best part is the source code file is located on another site so no extra storage space is used on the hosting site.  Quite ingenious.  The new web page has two different galleries: one of promotional items and one that shows the screen prints we have produced.  I am now starting to learn CSS3.  I would like to modify the site to be more personalized and professional.  Just because we have a basic template doesn't mean I can't jazz it up.  I have also signed up with Code Academy (if it is good enough for Mayor Michael Bloomberg, it is good enough for me).  The best way to learn is by doing and for free!  

My years of coding in html, basic and C++ are finally coming in handy.  It is nice to have a job that uses some of my former abilities and encourages me to learn more.  Now, if I can convince them to let me me take the online class for Illustrator...