So very True - Image by Anne Taintor

So very True - Image by Anne Taintor
I would like this on my very own business cards

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Dyn -O-mite!!

This is my Napoleon Dynamite-inspired cover page.  I think if I use this then maybe I will get a new job.  It worked for Pedro....

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Once again I have been deemed as unqualified for a position where anyone with a half a brain could see that I could definitely do the job.  I understand that they may want someone with insurance experience however I can't even apply for the job through job service because it won't allow me to.  This is crap!  I am sure I would be very good at insurance processing.  Probably wouldn't like it but would be good nonetheless....  

So here it is for all to see.  My rejection on the job service website.  So very tired of this.  Here is the job service announcement.  I made sure to note those job duties in which I believe I could perform satisfactorily.  

The next screen is what comes up when I clicked on "How to Apply"

They should really revamp this job service site.  It sucks. I believe it may be running on a DOS platform.  The reason I believe this is that the skills/tools section (where these requirements are listed) only allows a person to check a certain number of items that they are capable of completing.  So if you want to a secretary position you also need to click "administrative" and "clerical" and "secretary" experience and then the skills you have.  This is tarded!  It should be much more comprehensive than this.  Maybe if the State of Montana had an unemployed person redesign the site it would actually work.  Obviously it was created by people with jobs - who want to keep their jobs by creating crappy web sites that will need to be maintained and tweeked constantly in order for them to feel needed.  -- Rant done now.  Sorry.

It's Alive!

Back in the day of using typewriters there were times when I swore they had a mind of their own.  I saw this picture and it totally synced with that old train of thought.  It is by an artist named Jeremy Mayer who makes the coolest sculptures out of typewriters.  This guy is amazing.  Had to share...

Link to Jeremy Mayer's Website

Friday, March 26, 2010

I can type.....

Lately I have been feeling like my job skills must not be in demand or that important.  Then I read job postings that say silly things like "must be able to work a fax machine" or "ideal candidate shall be capable of working a multi-line phone."  It makes me wonder: Who is not able to do these things?  These are not rocket science.  These are not skills that one gains by going to college or a trade school.  These are skills that can be taught within the first hour of job training while someone is also showing you the break room, coffee pot and first aid kit.  Come on, really?  Maybe this is part of my problem.  Maybe I do appear to over-qualified.  

I have decided to dumb down my resume and cover letter.  I will revamp it to include intentional errors and misspellings.  Perhaps I make others doubt their own skills.  I mean, who wants to hire an equal in computer skills or language ability.  People do like to feel smart and powerful.  I believe I am on to something.  I will also go back and purposely mess up the formating to look sub-par.  Maybe that way I can at least get a call back.  So disappointing....

Since I will be dumbing down experience I will be focusing on the technical skills that have been acquired in my many jobs.  I will list my amazing skills on my resume and include: typing, 10-key, multi-line phone, fax machine, credit card machine, mop, broom, vacuum, changing rolls of paper-towels in those wall mounted units with a lever,  filling table top napkin dispensers and using a key to unlock a door.  That should really wow 'em.

I took a typing test today and I was a bit unhappy with the results.  I used to be much faster at typing and had higher accuracy but that was a long, long time ago.  That was in the days when I attended a technical college and spent 4 hours a day in typing classes.  We did timed tests, and typing from copy tests, and typing from a transcription machine, and listening to recordings of a man named Cortez Peters, Jr who was supposedly the  fastest typist in the world with perfect accuracy.  I remember it was close to 300 words a minute.  (Sad note* after I wrote this I googled Cortez Peters and found out that the poor guy died like a month after I graduated. RIP and thanks for making those recordings of yourself saying random letters for us to type along with).  

We sat there, me as a teenager, amid women and men of all ages who wanted to learn to type and hold office jobs.  It was like a Korean sweatshop with us crammed in there on those IBM computers utilizing typing programs on windows 3.1 (state of the art it was).  We also had typewriters.  One for each of us in the class. Typing drills, typing tests, typing, the sound of keys being typed, it was actually pure hell at time.  But at least I learned.

Sorry, I am back from my rant now.  I haven't thought about any of that for quite some time.  Anyway, I took a typing test today.  Here is my result:

I guess it could be a lot worse.  I have not seen a job advertised that asks for anything over 60 words per minute so I guess I am still in the game - for now.  This just gives me fodder for later so I will begin taking online typing tests and playing typing games more often to keep up my killer skills.  Of course, I will lie on my resume and state that I only type 30 words per minute.  Hopefully then the hotel I applied at for a front desk job will call me back.....

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Daily Job Search on Craigslist

So my usual morning routine is start a pot of coffee, take the kid to school, come home and start drinking said pot o' coffee while I peruse the want ads in the newspaper. Then I turn on the laptop and bring up Craigslist, followed by the local job service website;; the website of state jobs; monsterjobs; careerfinder; the montana trader; the APA website; the Floodplain Managers website and finally I do a google search.  Some days I find many jobs that fit the bill so I spend a few hours preparing application materials and send them off by noon when I take a shower and then go to the pizza restaurant with my husband and work with him for free.  Blah.  

Other days, I do all of the above only instead of finding anything interesting or realistically worth my while to apply for employment I find stupid thing or jobs that I would never ever apply for such as those listed below:  *Note if you can't read them, click on the image and it will get bigger as if by magic.

This first one was interesting as you can see from my comments however it was lacking any information what so ever.  I am not clear what the job is/was.  I don't want to apply for the job if it involves cleaning out septic tanks or working with smelly people in any way, shape or form.  I bet this announcement would have been much more successful with finding new employees if it would have included some information into what the job is....

Then there was this one:

I definitely do not ever want to be a sign holder or have to wave at traffic especially if I need to act HAPPY as it states.  Ick!

And Finally there was this one which is the one that pays the best and I may be qualified for:

The only problem with this one is that my husband might not like it if I am pregnant with someone else's baby. I thought a little about it but I may have to pass it up.  1) I'm not too clear if it means do I use drugs now or have I ever smoked a little green and 2) When I do the math compared with my old rate of pay when I had a fricking awesome job it just doesn't pan out.  Not that I am a job snob but only earning $25,000 for 9 months work that requires barfing, stretch marks, unreliable hormones, possibly hemorrhoids, pushing out a baby and the recovery time involved it just doesn't seem as hot as it did at first.

So, I guess I will keep looking.  Tomorrow I will be ready with my left-over half pot o' coffee (when one is unemployed it is very wasteful to throw out half a pot, just heat it up again. I no longer have enough money to be uppity like that.  Get over it.  You know you would do it too.)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Musing Over Unemployment

1. Things that eat at you: The next time I hear the words "over qualified" I am going to throw up on the person who is rejecting me as a future employee. At least they will have a real reason not to hire me AND and I will feel better (ever since I lost my job my tummy has hurt).

2. I am annoying like that kid that sat behind you in 7th grade math and made fart sounds and smelled like B.O.: When I actually go through the process of applying for job then obviously I am interested. Right? -- Nope. Apparently people assume that I just spend an hour or two re-tailoring my resume and filling out generic employment applications for shits and giggles. Hmmmm. Why yes! Now that you mention it, I do indeed enjoy this process. Ultimately my end goal IS to accept a job and then abruptly quit just to cause my employer the hassle of repeating the search process. I enjoy causing misery. WTF?!?! My goal is to obtain and sustain gainful employment. Like previously hinted at: I am not enamored with the job search process.

3. Watch your Ps and Qs: Most recently I have remembered that interviewing is not an activity I would chose to partake in more often than the bare minimum required. Yes, it is possible interview more often than just for employment. Those who choose to be involved in the citizen form of government must be interviewed by commissioners and councilmen prior to be appointed. Others are interviewed for research purposes or disseminating information to the general masses. Even those famous people that irk me so much I get an eye twitch when I see or think of them interview as often as possible to stay in the limelight (tilla tequilla *twitch*).

4. Does this simulation have a reset button? I would like to start this level over: I would much rather have an interview that is a simulation. Not just a typing test either. Maybe we could pretend that I already work there and I can make the coffee. We could talk about dinner last night and how I reprimanded with the children this morning about leaving the milk on the counter, again. Or, how last night my husband and I watched a tantalizing episode of 'Cold Case' that we had not been fortunate enough to have seen before. I can ask how their night was. "Did your mashed potatoes turn out too lumpy again or did you finally use the beaters instead?" "Oh, by the way, how was your pedicure? What color did you choose? Oh yes, yes, the french pedicure is classy."

After the chit-chat I can then proofread their latest report, correct the grammar and set the margins correctly. "Did you realize that your font changes for some reason in this section? You will want to fix that so it doesn't look like you are a noob user of Word." Finally, I can compile your notes into a delightfully modern PowerPoint presentation for your evening meeting and then I will smile while you practice your presentation and pretend that I didn't just rewrite it for you.

5. See you later Alligator. Not if I see you first. That should be enough to tell if I will fit in or not. How often will we be sitting here like this anyway? If it is much more than this initial interview then I definitely do not want this job. Thanks, I will just keep looking.