So very True - Image by Anne Taintor

So very True - Image by Anne Taintor
I would like this on my very own business cards

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Musing Over Unemployment

1. Things that eat at you: The next time I hear the words "over qualified" I am going to throw up on the person who is rejecting me as a future employee. At least they will have a real reason not to hire me AND and I will feel better (ever since I lost my job my tummy has hurt).

2. I am annoying like that kid that sat behind you in 7th grade math and made fart sounds and smelled like B.O.: When I actually go through the process of applying for job then obviously I am interested. Right? -- Nope. Apparently people assume that I just spend an hour or two re-tailoring my resume and filling out generic employment applications for shits and giggles. Hmmmm. Why yes! Now that you mention it, I do indeed enjoy this process. Ultimately my end goal IS to accept a job and then abruptly quit just to cause my employer the hassle of repeating the search process. I enjoy causing misery. WTF?!?! My goal is to obtain and sustain gainful employment. Like previously hinted at: I am not enamored with the job search process.

3. Watch your Ps and Qs: Most recently I have remembered that interviewing is not an activity I would chose to partake in more often than the bare minimum required. Yes, it is possible interview more often than just for employment. Those who choose to be involved in the citizen form of government must be interviewed by commissioners and councilmen prior to be appointed. Others are interviewed for research purposes or disseminating information to the general masses. Even those famous people that irk me so much I get an eye twitch when I see or think of them interview as often as possible to stay in the limelight (tilla tequilla *twitch*).

4. Does this simulation have a reset button? I would like to start this level over: I would much rather have an interview that is a simulation. Not just a typing test either. Maybe we could pretend that I already work there and I can make the coffee. We could talk about dinner last night and how I reprimanded with the children this morning about leaving the milk on the counter, again. Or, how last night my husband and I watched a tantalizing episode of 'Cold Case' that we had not been fortunate enough to have seen before. I can ask how their night was. "Did your mashed potatoes turn out too lumpy again or did you finally use the beaters instead?" "Oh, by the way, how was your pedicure? What color did you choose? Oh yes, yes, the french pedicure is classy."

After the chit-chat I can then proofread their latest report, correct the grammar and set the margins correctly. "Did you realize that your font changes for some reason in this section? You will want to fix that so it doesn't look like you are a noob user of Word." Finally, I can compile your notes into a delightfully modern PowerPoint presentation for your evening meeting and then I will smile while you practice your presentation and pretend that I didn't just rewrite it for you.

5. See you later Alligator. Not if I see you first. That should be enough to tell if I will fit in or not. How often will we be sitting here like this anyway? If it is much more than this initial interview then I definitely do not want this job. Thanks, I will just keep looking.

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