So very True - Image by Anne Taintor

So very True - Image by Anne Taintor
I would like this on my very own business cards

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Things I Now Realize About Future Jobs

The last few days have been of tumultuous activities as I have had to sort through my life and earthly possessions while relocating them approximately 4 blocks away.  While it doesn't seem far to move, after 3 1/2 years in one place I have accumulated enough random crap to qualify for an early intervention on the A&E show "Hoarders." The big stuff is done.  The incidentals are scattered about.  I approached this move differently as it was not across 300 miles.  This time I had the ability to move room by room, cupboard by cupboard and sift through the treasures untold stuffed into the nooks and crannies of a house that I thought I would live in for the rest of my days.  Alas, it was not to be.  Losing your job can put a damper on many an aspect of one's life.  Dammit.  Oh well.  I have learned or realized more about myself in the process.

1.  I do not want to work anywhere where I have to keep track of crap at home for that job.  This means certification paperwork or copies of this test or that test or books or trade magazines.  I would rather have it all at an office not in my home.  A job that I can leave when I am not at my job.  This is perhaps the single most important aspect of my former profession which, although I am no longer practicing, I still carry around many tools of the trade.  

2.  I would prefer a job has nothing to do with the area where I live.  I do not want to look out the window and ask or be asked if my neighbor's have a permit for that....  Fill in the blank with fire pit, home based business, building permits, electrical permits, variance from setbacks, etc....It is all bullshit that I really don't care about any longer. 

3.  Jobs don't define people.  People define the jobs.  I guess I never really realized it until I stopped being a planner.  Since I no longer need/have a requirement to attend city council meetings, I don't pay as much attention to the daily bureaucratic BS of municipalities unless I notice something that isn't being done correctly.    

4.  I DO NOT WANT TO WORK WITH ANIMALS!  On this I shall elaborate a bit and regress some in order to provide a little bit of insight.  In Idaho we had some feral cats that lived on our rural property in order to reduce the seasonal influx of the common rodents.  When we moved to Montana, it was undeniable that we could not abandon these felines so we packed them up and moved them with us.  Upon our arrival we opened the cages and released them into the garage to move around as they had been caged for 9 hours.  The next day, once they were released into the outdoors, Beyonce ran away.  We never saw her again.  George Michael stayed around for a good year until Brittany Spears ran him off.  The only one we had managed to keep around was Brittany Spears.  She is an orange and white devil.  If she is not the devil, then she is possessed by the devil.  

   I decided that today would be the day to acclimate her to the new residence.  So while the cat was purring and rubbing against my leg this afternoon, I bent down and picked her up.  I walked her to my fully loaded Durango and proceeded to place her in the vehicle.  I then got inside the vehicle and shut the door.  That is when all hell broke loose.  As soon as I turned the key in the ignition switch, the frickin' cat had a major freak out.  Quickly, I came to realize that, maybe, it was not the best decision I had made.  I apparently should have thought this portion of the move out with a bit more thought such as borrowing a pet carrier or a box that I could use to safely transport her the 4 blocks (since walking the distance with a feral cat is not really an option).  I came to this conclusion due in part the reaction of the cat.  

   She began to scurry about the vehicle: jumping to and fro amongst the boxes in the back of the vehicle, to and fro about the front seats (one of which I mentioned I was already sitting in), and lunging for the openness of the free world via the windows (which were all closed therefore she really just jumped into the glass and landed back into the leather seats).  The whole time I was trying to keep my cool and spoke to her like I was Dr. Doolittle in my modest attempt to calm her fears.  It didn't really have much of an impact.  I also did not scream as she gouged all four paws and the dagger-like claws into the top of my thighs.  I also maintained my cool as she dug those knife-like claws into my breasts.  Out of options, I decided to gun it--like a bat out of hell I began driving down the street praying that I would not have to pull over and roll down the window so she could flee out of it never to be seen again.  Remarkably, she ceased the jumping about with her claws digging into whatever she landed on and she crouched in the passenger seat, back arched, tail drawn back, eyes wild, teeth showing and let out a god-awful hiss/scream that did not, in any sense, sound like the typical Meow or the even "feed-me meow" or "Let me inside Meow."  Nope.  It was more like "Damn" or "Die" over and over for those 4 blocks.  This odd cat sound did not even start with the letter "M" as most cat sounds begin. The sound channeled Beelzebub himself and it began with the letter "D".  It was a rumbling sound that would have made Jesus afraid.  I honestly don't know how I made it to the new house.  

   Once I was in the driveway, I turned off the engine and picked the cat up and tried to pet her as she hissed over and over again.  Once she stopped I held her in front of myself and exited the vehicle.  The plan was to walk her to the house and to her waiting food.  I made it about 6 feet before the assault with her claws began again and I just let go.  There was no fighting it.  She ran across the yard and within about one second was safely underneath the neighbor's deck (or I think that is where she went since it was kind of a blur).  I have not yet seen her again.  I am not too worried.  If she turns up at the old house then I will use a wild animal trap to capture her as I am sure she will not willingly allow me to pick her up for quite some time.  She will reemerge.  She always does.  She is a feral cat.  She does what she wants.

I have since applied neosporin to all of my cuts and scratches.  I hope I don't get cat scratch fever.  I also hope that I never have a job with feral cats.  I have also expanded that to include all animals as I can't get along with my cat, how could I do that for the pet of some stranger???

*****UPDATE******The cat ran away and showed up at the old house again.  I stealthily grabbed her and put her in a box with a laundry basket over the top of it (It was the best I could do at the time).  I again drove her to the new house and released her into the backyard. She ran away to the neighbor's again.  We could hear her moaning her evil "damn" or "die" or whatever the hell it was the entire night.  The next evening she emerged when my husband was outside.  She runs if she sees me.  Apparently, she has some sort of a trust issue with me now...

1 comment:

  1. This whole thing made me laugh. I am picturing you driving with the cat in the car. Not fun while it is happening. But funny to read. Hope she is happy at the new house.