Nothing - Just ignore this

This is only here as a back door way to upload an image to a website.  Nothing else to see here.  Carry on.

Mushrooms

No matter how bad the situation seems always try to rememeber that good things can come from shit. Manure is used on gardens for fertilizer so essentially it is crap that helps things to grow. Mushrooms grow in poop. I love mushrooms!

And so my story that began as what I felt was a pretty crappy hand to be dealt has ended up maturing into a new career and happiness with my work/home balance. Three years ago I was devastated by losing my job. Today I turned down the opportunity to accept my former position which has been added into the city budget again. 

I didn't turn it down based on fear of losing it again. I turned it down because I am happy when I go to work and I am happy when I come home from work. I have freedom and flexibility to choose my hours. I can take time off when needed. I can be creative at my job. I find solutions for clients that they are pleased with and I have fun doing it.

When I first found my current employer I was weary because I felt it was a step down on the career ladder from what I had been working towards for 15 years. I quickly grew to love it. Over time I was given much more responsibility and the job began to change. After the unfortunate death of my supervisor I was promoted to a new position and took over where he left off. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to discover something new. It wouldn't have occurred without the setbacks I trudged through. I met new people, worked at jobs I would never want again and discovered who I am and what truly matters to me.  It isn't just the money or health benefits - it is satisfaction. Hence my original paragraph - much good comes from crap. I may have gone through a dark and crappy time but I emerged - just like a mushroom. 

2 1/2 months later

I'm not good at doing much lately except for drinking Miller 64 and enjoying summer.  I have spent the usual amount of time surfing the net and stalking my favorite bloggers and managed to keep myself amused.  Since regaining my vision, I read all three of the book in the Hunger Games trilogy.  I am still nursing a book hangover having just completed Mockingjay about six hours ago.  There has been an abundance of yard work, gardening and beer drinking bocce ball.  A few parties here and there and the usual douchebaggery that goes on living with three males.  The testosterone levels increased for the last month with the visit of my husband's almost-12-year-old son (that would equal 11 but this is the age he presents himself).  Needless to say there has also been an increase in horror movie watching, WWE, video games and outings to stock car races. 

I also feel like I just woke up the inner-Nikki.  By that, I mean the me that used to be me prior to being 30-somethingish.  The me who was more wanton and spontaneous.   I feel so frustrated with life events that are outside of my control that I have just had to start accepting them for what they are and move on in spite of what that may mean.  Changes are coming.  Not sure when but they are.  It's rather like forecasting a storm by the feelings in your bones.  Mine is more like a storm in my head and heart that has been brewing for way too long.  Grab an umbrella and hold on tight.  

Eye of the Beholder

The last few months have a been a blur - literally.  After experiencing iritis in February, things still aren't back to normal.  I experienced another flare up and my eyesight got worse.  The eye drops were finally stopped two weeks ago.  My eye has scarring around the pupil which has caused my pupil to remain enlarged even after the dilating drops were stopped a month prior to the other drops.  While it is not as pronounced as it was, I still feel a bit like a freak.  One pupil still makes me look like I am half on drugs.  I still can't focus well and I am rather light-sensitive although not to the point of being a vampire (any more, thank goodness!).  I have taken this time to reorganize and purge all kinds of crap lingering around the house.  I am proud to say that I would no longer qualify to be featured on the show "Hoarders".


All this lack of vision, has affected my reading ability and it also attacked my sense of doing anything.  Perhaps that is also called depression or boredom, unsure which it was.  This weekend I was so happy to have a three day weekend that I spent Saturday being completely selfish of my time.  I spent the day doing something mindless and rather odd (according to my children).  I was feeling crafty yet I just purged many of my "found" objects and sources of inspiration in my earlier cleaning frenzies.  Luckily, I had a porcelain doll that happened to catch my good eye.  Really.  That just wasn't meant to be a stupid pun.  


My neighbor just had a yard sale and she piled up the leftovers on the sidewalk with a "free" sign.  While supervising my 10 year old son mow her lawn, I took the opportunity to dig through the discards.  I rescued two strands of net lights for bushes (score!), two metal boxes which I have already began to alter into memento holders and a Victorian-style bride doll.  She had seen better days.  Her hair was in good shape but her stockings were yellowed; her face was dirty; and she seemed as if she had been played with instead of put on the shelf and left alone to collect dust as most dolls of this nature.  Perfect for transforming into something more modern!  I dyed her hair, added body jewelry and art, and completely overhauled her dress.  I cut off the lace top and high collar -  removed the long and puffy parts of the sleeves - added some color and fanciful decorations utilizing other found items from previous scavenging adventures.


Much like Cinderella morphing from an ember-tinged housecleaning slave this poor little bride has become the envy of all dolls stuck in the much fascinated about but ultimately boring and female-oppressed era.  She now resembles more of a rockabilly chick.  I was going for The Cigarette Girls Burlesque-inspired look.  I think it was almost achieved.  I am stoked.  Now, I just have to figure out what to do with her.  I don't think my husband appreciates having a tattooed and pierced doll on the mantle above the fireplace.

This is obviously the before picture.
My camera battery died before I could take a picture of her horrible up-do.
I think you can get the idea of what she looked like - rather conservative.

In this one you can see her nose piercing and multiple earrings.

If you look hard you can see the butterfly tattoo on her leg and tattoos on her forearm.

I made the corset-style ties out of eye-hooks and latches that were in a sewing kit I purchased at an  estate sale.  I know they were old.  The price tag was still on the card they were sewn onto - 19¢

This tattoo is my favorite since it goes against everything Victorian and prude.
Too bad it doesn't show up well in this picture.

Whatever

Is it wrong to mock your children?  If so, I have been a bad mother for quite some time.  In my house it is not uncommon for the boys to say my name like "mmmmooohhhhhmm" and for me to respond with their name in the same tone.  When I have had it with bad attitudes they are exhibiting I start answering their questions in the same manner. 

"Mom, when is dinner?"  

"Whatever." 

"No, Mom, what is for dinner?"  

"Whatever."  

"Mom, come on, what are we having for dinner."  

"Why do you have to ask me so many questions?  I can't think....."

A few weeks ago, I got so frustrated at feeding the children and having them act like dogs that get fed and come running to their dishes only to run away away again after scarfing down their food, I just didn't make dinner.  Not at all.  It was after 8:30 when my oldest son came out and asked about dinner.  My husband informed him that Mom wasn't making anything because she was tired of the way they expect to be fed and don't interact with me unless forced.  He looks at me.  The younger one stands by his side, eyes open wide..I unleashed.  Why do I have to go in their rooms to talk to them?  Why do I have to force conversations?  They hadn't been asking me anything or talking to me unless they wanted something.  After they get answers they disappear to their rooms to play on ipods, xbox, blah, blah.  Why should I cook dinner for someone who doesn't care back?  I wouldn't cook dinner for dad if he ignored me all the time.  Why are they different?  They had cereal that evening.  I got the response I wanted because now they make a point to come out of their caves (aka bedrooms) and at least say "hello" when I get home at night.

Occasionally, I go on strike to make a point.  Sometimes this affects my husband, sometimes not.  It can be the little things that I get tired of doing without others pitching in.  Laundry.  Dishes.  Grocery shopping.  Once they realize it, they pitch in and life returns to normal.  Should this even happen?  Do other mothers go through this?  I don't care who says parenting is wonderful.  It makes me want to drink.

The "Eyes" Have it

February sucks!  I hate it.  It has not been a good month for me.  I will be happy when it is over.  It is a good thing it is the shortest month because it may end up killing me.  I think this leap-year of 29 days is crap.  I would prefer this was a normal year.  

On February 1st, I woke up with what I thought was allergies and my left eye was red and watering.  On February 2nd, I woke up with my left eye swollen and feeling like it was popping out of the socket.  It wasn't watering.  It was like a hose was hooked up to it due to the amount of tears that were streaming from it.  It was blood red.  The light was excruciating.  I had to fashion a makeshift eye patch out of a silk scarf and call my best friend to pick the kids up and take them to school.  There was no way I could drive.  I couldn't even keep my eye open and all light seemed to feel like a knife twisting in my cornea.   Moving my eye felt like have a muscle strain in my head.   Horrid!  I took my first sick day at work.   At least it was for a good reason...

This is how I felt the first morning

I found an eye doctor and a diagnosis that day.   The doctor said I had Iritis (eye-right-us).  It is an inflammation of the iris.  In me--that is the blue part of my eye.  It began to swell.  The pupil couldn't constrict or dilate due to the inflammation. I learned that even if one eye is closed (or covered with a patch or a silk scarf) that the eye will still react to light when the seeing eye does.  That explains the constant pain and watering even though it was covered.  I was prescribed steroid eye drops and another to dilate my pupil.  It started to get better.  I went in for a follow up the next Monday.  The doctor said everything looked good and to start tapering the dosage.  So I did.  Then things started to get progressively worse.  A week later I was back to where I had been two weeks prior.  I was referred to a specialist.

The specialist said the inflammation had gotten ahead of the medication.  Even though I had dilating drops, my pupil was not dilated.  My vision had a white blur which was caused by the build up of white blood cells in the eye.  My pupil couldn't move.  It fused to the iris.  I had a number of tears inside my eye caused by the pupil trying to move.  Essentially, it was like superglue in my eyeball.  I got more eye drops to be used every hour for a week.  Dilating drops twice a day now.  Return visit in a week.

Do you see how creepy it looks with one pupil dilated!!!

At this point, it seems to be healing but it still hurts like hell.  My eye is super light sensitive.  On the plus side, it is no longer blood red, just bloodshot.  Worse than hangover bloodshot but better.  I have been wearing a pair of fit-over sunglasses over the top of my normal glasses for over two weeks.  I feel like Stevie Wonder.   

What I have discovered is that this Iritis is similar to having arthritis in your eyeball.  WTF!  It is also the third leading cause of blindness is the world, behind glaucoma and cataracts.   The clincher is that if left untreated or out of control it can cause the aforementioned.  There is really no way to determine what caused this unless I have another case of it.  Usually it is caused by autoimmune disorders.  Blah!!!!!  Aargh!!!  Also, all the literature I seem to find has pictures of eyeballs.  Makes sense but I hate looking at eyeballs.  Also, my sister has a phobia of them so we haven't been facetiming as often since my eye creeps her out.  

This is the kind of diagram I see on nearly all the literature I read about Iritis

My life activities have been affected.  I can't read since I can't focus.  This really bites because I was reading "Atlas Shrugged" and now there is no way I am going to finish before it is due back at the library.  The tv's have all been dimmed.  I can't watch tv in bed either because it can't be turned down enough to stop my eye from watering.  Watching tv with one shut sucks because I just end up falling asleep.  Sleeping is hard since my eye waters at night and feels like it is popping out of my socket.  My computer LED backlight is turned off.  It is difficult to type from copy at work.  It is hard to proof read also.  If you find typos in this, please keep them to yourself.  I don't care.  It is hard to write when you can't see.  Driving is near impossible when you can't focus, or open your eye, or stop the eye from watering.  In Montana, the snow is like driving on a mirror and it reflects the light.  It is more like driving at night when everyone coming at you has their brights on.   The curtains at home are drawn.  It is like being a vampire.  The light may kill me.  I hate this!  It shouldn't be call "iritis" it should be called eye-wrongus.  Plus, I feel like Popeye.  

It's too bad that an eye-patch won't help.  I would wear one like this if it did.....

English is my first language, dork is my second

I have not been able to learn to speak in a foreign language.  I have tried Spanish, French and Russian.  Didn't take.  Programming languages - a different story.  I seem to understand code like it was the dominant language of my youth.  I pick it up quickly.  If it is something I am unfamiliar with all I need to do is read a source code and I can figure it out.  

I had a Commodore 64 when I was 11.  I was able to figure out the code to make the creepy voice speak phonetically to pronounce curse words until my dad caught me.  After that, the computer moved locations and I had to use it in his presence.  Blah!  I was off to a good start though.

My early foundations were on DOS.  It really blows me away that no one seems to use DOS anymore.  If more people understood it they wouldn't need computer repair technicians as often.  Many of my computer problems have been solved at home by using what is now called “Command Prompt.” When I was on the phone with tech support for a networking problem, they actually tried to walk me through it. It was hard not to laugh.

When I first started a geocities web page (1997ish), I had windows 3.1.  It was not Java enabled.  I couldn't use the cool features to drag and drop text and images.  I checked out a HTML book from the library and typed the whole page in longhand.  I was dedicated and bored.  I can still program in HTML and the things I don't know I just look up on the internet. 

In college, I spent at least one class a semester programming and coding which was later used for GIS.  I know there was basic, python, visual basic, C, Pascal, and java (which I studied on my own).  I can produce queries like no other in Access and link them through other applications.  I also learned how to import data from other programs and geographically represent them on maps.  Oh, good times... 

The new web page at works allows widgets for text and images but not solid coding.  You can't upload scripts--only images to the host site.   I have found how to circumnavigate this to produce flash slideshows.  I researched flash enabled slideshows using flickr.  The slideshows that are created through flickr are boring.  They can't continually run.  They automatically stop when the last picture is reached and you can't edit information around them to say what the picture is showing.  

I found a slideshow I liked and embedded the link into the new work website.  I edited the source code to reference our flickr account and the set of pictures I wanted.  Because I copied a section of code, I could modify the background colors, text colors and image size.  The best part is the source code file is located on another site so no extra storage space is used on the hosting site.  Quite ingenious.  The new web page has two different galleries: one of promotional items and one that shows the screen prints we have produced.  I am now starting to learn CSS3.  I would like to modify the site to be more personalized and professional.  Just because we have a basic template doesn't mean I can't jazz it up.  I have also signed up with Code Academy (if it is good enough for Mayor Michael Bloomberg, it is good enough for me).  The best way to learn is by doing and for free!  

My years of coding in html, basic and C++ are finally coming in handy.  It is nice to have a job that uses some of my former abilities and encourages me to learn more.  Now, if I can convince them to let me me take the online class for Illustrator...

Housekeeping = Stripping

Well, this is a first.  Craigslist has a post for housekeepers wearing lingerie.  It pays $15 an hour plus tips.  Hmmmmm.  Rather interesting since the other day there was a post for nude housekeepers that only paid $10 an hour.  It was quickly taken down.  It happened so fast that I didn't even get a screen shot of it.  Some prude must have reported it for inappropriate content.  I have know idea why they would....

Do you think nude or scantily clad housekeepers clean homes with stripper poles?  I was a stripper before but it only involved cleaning (see old post for explanation as I was not a "real" stripper, it was a job title).

I wonder if this is even legal.  Flathead County has some rather strict regulations on stripping, peep shows, nudity, blah, blah.  The City of Whitefish has even tighter restrictions.  I learned this when someone wanted to open a topless burger joint when I was a planner.  It didn't happen.

Life is a cabert!

Update 1-24-12: So this posting was on Craigslist tonight. Apparently the poster was rather upset that "fem-nazi sheep" had been reporting his post.  Tee-hee! (I wonder if he listens to Michael Savage or Rush Limbaugh since that is usually how they refer to women....)

Update 1-26-12: The last posted was deleted and another new one has appeared.  It is much nicer than the last one.  This poor guy must have consulted an attorney.

The Essential Internet Site Collection

My sister has been asking which sites I read/check on a regular basis.  She has shared some excellent twitter contacts.  I have been laughing ever since I stole her twitter list.  I am now posting the list that I follow with the most regularity for her.  By posting it here, it won't get lost in her inbox.  So here you go, Hia, they are in no particular order:

The Oatmeal  - The best comic site out there!
My Favorite and My Best - Funny and sometimes obscene blogs about interior decorating, pop culture and random tv shows. 
Hyperbole and a Half - This was a regular but she is writing a book now so she rarely posts.  Her old stuff is great though.  Read the traumatic story about fishing.
The Pioneer Woman - Ree's site was much better before she started getting famous.
The Bloggess - You never know what will be posted here.  She also has a few other sites and writes articles that are worth reading.  Jenny rocks and she has a haunted doll house.  I am very jealous of it.
OddTodd - His older flash videos are hilarious.  The best one was about being unemployed.  He actually got a job because of it. His daily posts are about rather trivial things but typically entertaining.
Reddit -  News, pictures, memes are posted by random people and voted up or down the list.
No Ordinary Roller Coaster - Canadian gay guy with a drinking problem.
Hanzismatter - This site is dedicated to making fun of the English translation of tattoos stupid people get
Cyanide & Happiness - Comic strip for the disturbed.  The site also hosts a bazillion others that are worth reading when you are bored.
Steam Me Up, Kid - Hasn't been updated lately but very entertaining and lewd.
Ugly House Photos - Exactly what it sounds like.
Six in the Suburbs - Six cousins post recipes, stories, blah, blah.  Me likey.
Funny or Die - Go here if you need to laugh.
Regretsy - Lambasts stupid and bizarre crafts posted on Etsy.  Also has links to sister sites like Lamebook and Passive-Aggressive Notes.




I have many more bookmarked that I can add if you need more.  This should keep you entertained for awhile....I also left off the ones that I know you read, like Fark.com, otherwise it would be here.  


Somehow I left off one of my favorites!  I am chagrined.  Mommy Wants Vodka - there is no explaining it.  It changes.  She is a hip mom.  I adore her.  

What's the Plan, Stan?

"Always have a plan, even for the little things.  Don't just go out and say you are going out for a Coke.  Decide ahead of time - if they don't have a Coke, then have a Pepsi.  If no Pepsi, then a Fanta.  Don't ever get caught by surprise, learn to always think ahead, be prepared."  Carlos Fonseca.  

Sandinista: Carlos Fonseca and the Nicaraguan Revolution; Matilde Zimmerman

I have always been one to have a plan and goals.  I remember my earliest ones starting in high school. Get the hell out of there.  So I doubled up on classes and graduated a year and a half early.  It then moved into getting a job that pays at least $8 an hour (in the early '90's that was a decent pay and gas was still under $1 a gallon).  Then my goal morphed into getting a promotion.  Did it.  I floundered a bit because I did somethings backwards and got married and had a baby.  Got divorced at 20 so I moved to Idaho to begin again.  Started the job thing all over.  My goal changed from getting a promotion (although I did get raises) to going to college.  After three (3) years of working, I was finally in a place where I could work part-time and go to school full-time.  While I was in school my goals were educationally attainable.  Get a 4.0.  Done.  Dean's List.  Done.  Scholarships.  Done.  Go to Oxford.  Done.  

After college, I just had my part-time job become a full-time job.  I then advanced a few times from that position.  I got bored with Idaho.  I changed my goal to moving and finding a job at the same time.  Done.  Then it was the regular milestones of monotony:  make more money.  Government jobs are good like that.  My goals meshed with moving up so I became a certified floodplain manager; certified residential building inspector; and finally a certified planner.  I think I was also certifiably stupid because even with all the credentials I didn't foresee the economic downtown in construction.  I wasn't prepared to lose my job.  Metaphorically speaking it was as much of a shock as taking your dog for a walk and a car jumps the curb and runs over your dog - killing it in front of you while the leash is still in your hand.  (That is a real scenario too.  My friend, Bad Luck Amanda, had it happen to her).

Had I prepared, I would have had a plan in place rather than flailing around and collecting a pitiful amount of compensation in the form of unemployment benefits.  I would have been able to walk out of the planning department, breathed a sigh of relief and jumped into my next adventure.  I never would have ended up at the assisted living facility wiping asses for almost a year.  I wouldn't have ended up in the comfortable position I am in now and thoroughly enjoy, even though it does nothing to promote my job interests resume-wise.  

I am so frustrated with it all right now.  I could wish for a break that lets me use my strengths (e.g., typing, writing, customer service, analytic thinking and research) or I could actually do something about it.  And that's what I'm going to do, dammit.  

Right now I have a part-time position on the horizon. It is back in the planning field.  I can work it around my existing job.  It would allow me to use my brain again and I would be continually learning.  Honestly, that is what I miss the most about my former line of work.  I was learning every day.  I had to research trends and apply them to a local community level.  I had to memorize them so I didn't look like a bumbling idiot answering questions on the public access channel that replayed the videos of the city council meetings.  It was as if I was still in school.  

I am also applying for a part-time position as a research assistant.  It won't require ever meeting my boss.  It would involve researching material for that person to write a book and communicating online.  And typing, loads of it.  Transcription.  Tons of it.  F-U-N!  Plus, it would be something that would allow me to feel like I am contributing something by no longer being idle and just preparing paperwork.  If wishes were fishes, the sea would be full.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.

*Note:  I am afraid I have lost my sense of humor.  I still love to smile but not much is funny.  I am beginning to think it is the winter.  Maybe I have S.A.D. or maybe I am bored from not thinking.  Either way it needs to stop.  I will have to figure it out.  Lately my only source of enjoyment has been pinterest and trying out new hairstyles including fish-bone braids and no heat curls.  For Christ's Sake!  Somethings gotta give*

Web Technology and Parenting Rant

My skills are finally benefiting me.  This week we will launch a new website at work that I have created as an assignment.  I wish it could be super, duper rockin' with flash enabled gadgets and woozits all over but, alas, it will not.  We have a web hosting company that uses templates for promotional items that can be customized with your name, logo, etc.  The current templates look like web sites created in 1999 using simple html code only and no Javascript.  Luckily, the new launch is on a platform that is reminiscent of homestead.com.  It is more of a drag and drop and you can embed your own code in objects to circumvent their templates.  There is also CSS which allows a full overhaul from the basic setup.  I am rather excited since it should give the company an edge.  Finally, we will look like we know what we are doing.  My boss is stoked and has really been talking it up.  You would have thought I just invented the Internet if Al Gore hadn't done it first from they way he is describing it.

The web hosting company is impressed with what I was able to do with the basic membership and has asked if they can use our site as an example of what can be done with the site without purchasing the custom option.  Our representative even offered me a job if I want to move to California, which I don't.  Yes, I complain about the cold in Montana but there are way too many in SoCal for me to deal with on a daily basis.  I like quiet, sparse and predictable.  Plus, I am not the best at programming.  I just have a knack for figuring out what I want to do and only researching the aspects that are needed to do it.

On the home front this week it has all been about arguing.  My 10 year-old is practicing his mediation skills.  The arguing has all been about cleaning his bedroom.  It is not that bad.  It doesn't look like this:

And it wasn't even this bad:

Whatever the case, you would have thought it was a very difficult project due to the arguing and fits that were being had (and that was on both sides because I felt like Mommy Dearest was going to make a second coming due to my frustration level with the whole thing)

Now it is Sunday evening and the job is almost done.  Thank goodness.  I suppose I will get an 18 hour reprieve until he gets home from school tomorrow and has to pick it up again.....Parenting.  Blech!

PS.  Neither of the pictures posted above were taken of my home.  They were clipped from the internet.  I just felt the urge to clarify that.

Reasonable Resolutions

This is the time of year when people start touting their new year's resolutions and they really mean it.  With intent.  The sad part is most people fail.  I only know one person who has held true to a resolution for a full year.  My former boss, Gerard, made reasonable resolutions.  One year he decided to eat a "wafer thin sandwich" everyday for lunch while at work.  It was rather easy to achieve.  2 pieces of white bread; mayonnaise; sometimes mustard; 2 pieces of Carl Buddig beef, ham, or turkey and a slice of American cheese.  He achieved that goal.  Another year he dedicated his resolution to taking a photo each day.  It didn't matter if it was a bush covered by snow on his walk to work, his children smiling or a picture of his foot.  He almost achieved it except for one day when he had the flu or sickness so bad that he thought he was going to die so he didn't follow through.  In my mind, he made it.  In his, he didn't.  You decide....

Too many people set unrealistic goals.  I am going to lose 70 pounds; wear the same size I wore in high school; quit drinking; quit smoking; eat healthier; blah, blah, blah.  If you really want to do those things, just do it.  Don't wait until some epic event to make you start.  

This year I have resolved to set attainable goals.  My goals are listed below.  I think at this point there are more than are possible but I have another day to decide and wean out those that I don't will happen with certainty.

1. Drink a beer at least once a week (This I can almost guarantee is possible unless the government enacts prohibition this year or the Coors Corporation ceases to exist.)  I would say a beer a day but that would make me sound like an alcoholic.
2. Smile more often--or actually smile at someone I don't know daily.  
3. Play the kinect and learn the dance to California Girls by Katie Perry so Anne and I can perform our flash mob we keep joking about.
4. Be nicer to my family.  Not just nod when they speak but actually be nice.  Interact more even though I might be in a cruddy mood.  Hug them more often and just "be".  Live in the moment.  I think this stems from the realization that the boys are growing up too fast and I already miss them in a younger form.  
5. Eat vegetarian one day a month.  For some this is easy.  I live with carnivores.  This may be difficult.  I can usually get away with it when the family is not around however they don't feel like they have been feed unless some type of animal winds up in their stomachs.  I don't mean vegan either.  I mean the fake vegetarian that can eat eggs and dairy products.
6. Lose one pants size.  Granted, I am one of those people who dreams of losing tons of weight but I am being practical.  I might achieve this by solely playing Just Dance on the kinect on a daily basis.  We shall see.
7. One family involved activity every week.  Mormon families do this already but mine kind of does a hodge-podge of whatever they feel like.  Movies count as long as all 4 of us are together.  Not just Alan and I watching it while Silas plays the iPod and/or Cody uses his laptop.  This is the age of techie children.  I know I shouldn't condone it but I do.  Oh well.
8. Write at least one post a month.  That should be something I do.  Just for me.  Sometimes I feel selfish writing to no one in particular then I realize that I do it in my journal anyway or daydream for long amounts of time so why not.  It might not be interesting to others but I am sure I can do this.
9. Finish reading "Atlas Shrugged."  I just started this week.  It is so long the librarian asked me to report back to her when I finished.  She said she heard it was good but its size alone intimidated her too much to attempt to read it.
10. Do at least one load of laundry a week.  Many may not believe this is a goal.  It is for me.  I hate laundry.  I resent it.  I can do my own laundry but I don't want to do it for others.  In the next year I will do more laundry and possibly put it away instead of putting it in the clean basket on top of my dresser.  
11. Bring back a little more "Nikki" each day.  I have just felt like I lost myself somewhere.  If I keep looking maybe I can find me.

So that's what I have come up with to date.  Not a huge list but enough to choose from and possibly even complete at 75%.  Time will tell.  As I write this, I am realizing how difficult it may be since my husband is already making comments about me actually writing to no one again.  He thinks my blog is my boyfriend even though I have not  posted in three months. Wait until he finds out I have started using "Pinterest."  Maaaahaaahaaaa (evil laugh if you couldn't tell from reading that)

Happy 2012.  May you too have achievable goals.

I have Graduated!

Tonight at dinner I found out that I have apparently graduated from the "Meanest Mom in the World" to the "Creepiest Mom in the World."  I am not sure if that is really a bad thing either.  For the past 15 years, there have been many times in which I have been accused of being mean.  Usually this "being mean" involves responsible parenting.  Examples would be having a child clean their room, do chores, finish homework, act appropriately or even *Gasp* accept responsibility for their actions while they are in trouble.  I have been very deserving of this title and have worked diligently at earning and living up to the role.  It took many years of training.

I have also found out that there are other mothers out there who may also qualify as the "Meanest Mom in the World."  To them I say "Excellent Job!"  It is rather difficult to have the title stick.  This mother may have earned it in her child's eyes but other mom's out there are raising our glasses of wine at night when the kids are in bed and saying "Cheers" and "Here! Here!"  Ma'am we applaud you!!

What has transpired tonight is a bit different.  One that I had never pondered.  One that I never knew I would be proud of holding.  Yet it is now here.  I have become the "Creepiest Mom in the World".  I do not remember the last time I was so verklempt by such an honor.  It will be difficult to give my acceptance speech.  However, I will persevere and wade through the emotions that overcome me at this time of recognition.

I always thought a creepy mom would look like this:

(Although, I must note, that Ann Coulter is always creepy)  Or, a creepy mom would look like this:

What have I done to begat this fame?  I informed my son that yes, he could indeed go hang out with his friends, however, I may at any time come and check on him.  Yep, that is right.  I confirmed that at any given moment in time, I may shatter his reality of coolness by verifying his whereabouts by making a public appearance.  It doesn't mean that I will.  It doesn't mean I will show up at the library when he is "studying."

It doesn't mean I will be peeking on him as he is walking downtown or through neighborhoods with his peers.

Or even making a discreet stop at the mall.

It simply means that when he tells me that he will be somewhere I will reserve the right to follow up and verify that he is there.  If he is truly going to be participating in whatever event he has told me then it should be no big deal.  BUT, if he isn't truthful and has different intentions then I guess it would be terrifying and possibly creepy.

Oh well, I don't mind being creepy.  At least I know where my kids are.

More of Aunt Nikki's World

While speaking with my sister tonight she told me yet another funny tale of where my niece, Ava, thinks I live.


Ava:  "Is Aunt Nikki's World part of this earth?"

My sister: "What do you mean?"


Ava: "Is it on this earth or is it's own world?"

Sister: "It is part of the earth.  It's on this planet."


Ava: "Oh...." pauses, "Is it it's own country?"


Sister:  "No.  It's a state."


Ava:  "Oh, it's not a country..."


Sister: "No, it's a state like where we live..."


Ava:  "Um, ok."

I have to wonder what is going through her mind.  I love her vivid imagination....


PS.  Props go out to my sister and her husband on the birth of my newest nephew, Nathan.  He came into the world a few weeks early but he is healthy and cute as all get out.  I can't wait for him to start talking.  I hope his imagination is as active as Ava's.

The Devil Living in My Yard

My husband thinks I might be the only person in America who hates deer.  In my defense, with good reason.  This year I actually have a bumper crop of apples in my yard.  I was so excited until the deer showed up.  It is a little buck about two years old.  He has little horns with nubbins.  He was here Sunday night when we got home from being gone all weekend.  I told him he could stay the night in the back yard and then he had better be gone.

Monday--He was there when I woke up, came home for lunch and got back after work.  When Alan got home he suggested I try to scare him away because he was eating apples and then headed to my garden to gobble up my strawberries.  That did not sit well with me.  I have struggled to get my garden going a midst the local city wild life of squirrels, raccoons and the stupid crows.

Going off of the husband's advice, I started hootin' and hollerin' at the deer.  He just stared at me.  I started running around on the deck and making noise.  He went from the apple tree to the garden again.  I was pissed!  I flew down the stairs and yelled as loud as I could.  Nothing.  He just kept eating.  I screamed louder.  I tried yelling in a deeper voice.  The deer took notice and inquisitively turned his head to look straight at me.  I again made same booming noises and ran towards him.  My arms extended towards the sky so I would appear larger (I have heard you should do that wildlife.  It doesn't really work).  Frickin' deer just glared at me and then.....charged me.  He started running towards me.  I had no other choice but to turn around and run like hell back up to the deck with Alan.  The deer then just stood in the yard with an evil eye turned towards me before proceeding to eat again.  Husband said it could smell the fear in me.  Sure thing!  Like I want to be hoofed to death or worse--maimed in the facial region for life.  Holy Buckets!!!

Tuesday--Tried again.  Same results.  My sister suggested I ask him nicely to leave.  I did so hoping he would abide.

Wednesday--Go out to feed the devil cat that lives on the porch and he is STILL THERE!! Aargh!  This is going too far.  Lunch he was there.  After work he was there.  I decided to take matters into my own hands.  This is a deer.  A stupid little one too.  I should be able to outsmart it.  Scare it away in some manner.  If he would just stop eating my apple tree which by this time has lost 50% of its leaves and is now loosing apples non stop.  Damned deer can't just eat the ones on the ground.  NOOOO!

Step 1:  I go out and make more noise.  I more or less yelled at him like I was fighting with one of my siblings when I was a teenager.  Didn't work.  I was defeated.  He just lays down under the tree across from the porch.

Step 2:  I dig through Silas' confiscated goods that we keep in our room.  No cap gun only caps.  However, I did find those annoying snappers that you throw on the ground to scare people.  Armed with a bag of the snappers I headed outside.  The deer must have known something because he got up and walked to the other side of the picnic table on the patio.  I started hucking the poppers on the deck.  Then the stone walkway.  Then I walked to the patio about 3 feet from the evil deer.  I started throwing them around me and he didn't even wince.

Step 3:  I am freaking out now.  I am mad.  I picked up a piece of wood and threw it at the deer.  He stepped about 2 feet the other direction but made no attempt to even act surprised by the crazy women having a freak out 5 feet away.

Step 4:  I go to the driveway and gathered two handfuls of gravel.  When I got back to the apple tree area the deer must have sensed something so by now he had sauntered over to the garden and was again munching on the greens of the strawberries.  He even ate the flowers off my poppies!!!!  The nerve!!!!!

Screaming and running towards him I launched an all out army style assault and pelted him with rocks.  I know I hit him but my throwing skills must be weak because he really didn't flinch too much.  He kept eating although he was getting antsy.

Step 5:  I am ready to cry.  I am a girl.

Step 6:  Desperate for something to work I started the lawn mower.  He looks up.  I run towards him while pushing the lawn mower.  He runs to the opposite side of the yard.  I do too.  He zigs the other way.  I zagged.  He circles around the fire pit.  So do I.  Mind you I am pushing a running lawn mower.  He goes to the garden, I follow.  We circle the garden then back across the lawn towards the apple tree.  He actually started to sprint!!!  Yes!!!!!  Although he stopped when he got to the trampoline.

Step 7:  I run with the lawn mower towards him, let go of it on the patio, grab a pile of sticks and pine cones and start launching them at him.  Finally he runs through the open gate.  Victory is mine--for about 30 seconds until he lays down under the pine tree in the front yard.

Step 8:  I realize what an idiot I am when I see how the lawn has a crazy path mowed through it.

Step 9:  I mow the lawn in the back yard.

Step 10: I mow the front yard.  The deer is clearly annoyed with me and walks across the street to Eva's yard.  Well, at least he isn't in my yard anymore.

Step 11:  Not having any deer deterrent spray or any wild game urine like numerous websites suggest I grab a package of fabric sheets and hang them on the branches of the apple tree.  Deer supposedly don't like soap or fabric softer.  We will see.....  At least now when I sit on the bench under the tree I get a nice spring rain scent.