I thought it was Wednesday but it is Thursday

Somedays I can tell that I haven't had a job for a long time. Last week I went to license the utility trailer and all I knew was that it was the 20-something of April. Today I was excited because it was hump-day then I realized it is Thursday. Hump-day isn't so much a hump anymore without a real job but it is the little things in life that keep us sane. Right?

There was one promising job in the paper this morning. I rewrote my resume and cover letter for it and promptly submitted it via email. If I tell you what it was for then I will jinx myself so I won't tell anyone what I apply for anymore--not that I really did that often. I am just tired of being asked "Hey, did you get the job as a tic-tac counter? I just love orange tic-tacs." ME: "No." *then I cry*

There were two jobs on Craigslist that I definitly do not want and would not be good at. One is a chef. I am only good at cooking for my family. In a large restaurant I probably wouldn't do so well. I can however make sloppy joes very excellently and hot dogs. I am good at hot dogs. 

There was also a job posted for an assistant woodworker. That is not one I should try. Ever. I am very clumsy. Honestly.  When I worked in Idaho, I got hurt at work so often that my boss forbid me from filing another worker's comp claim. I am serious. 

Once I fell and broke my butt (later I just found out it was only the tail bone but I still tell people that I fell so hard it cracked my butt). Another time I was sitting at my desk and dropped a pencil. Usually not an eventful action for people. For me it was. See, as I was sitting in my chair I bent forwardish rather quickly to pick the pencil up with my very long arms. Only my arm wasn't as long as I thought and I smacked the bridge of my nose on the edge of the desk. I broke my nose. No shit. Sitting right there at a desk job--I got two black eyes and broke my nose. 

Another time we were posting a job site on a very windy day. So windy in fact that when I reached up to pull the hatch down on the back of the vehicle, the wind caught it and that automatic shutting hatch which normally comes down really slow--not so slow in a 40 mile per hour wind. Smash! It came down on my face and cut the skin off my nose. Actually, I just felt it hit my nose and I keeled over and was like "Oh *#!#" (It actually sounded more like the F-word). Then I yelled to my co-worker who was wondering what the hell was going on as I am bent over screaming "I think I broke my nose and it appears to be bleeding."  He says "Let me see."  I uncupped my hands and showed him.  His face=white.  His response "Oh shit!  You didn't just break it, Nikki.  You cut your nose off!"  That is when he gave me his red fleece vest and told me not to look in the mirror.  He was such a good friend.  He took me to the Emergency Room where I was in luck that it was a clean cut and I had my nose flap glued back on.  He even called my husband -then boyfriend- to tell him where I was.  Also, he didn't mind that I had put blood all over his vest.  He was the best kind of co-worker to have.....

So anyway, maybe that would give you a little perspective as to why I don't think I will be applying for the woodworker position.  I drew a picture of how my first day would go.

It's my Anniversary!!!

Most people celebrate anniversaries so I will mark this occasion.  I have officially been unemployed for 3 months today.  Oh joy!  Three months ago I sat under fluorescent lights for 8 hours a day in front of two (yes 2) LCD monitors and answered emails, shuffled papers, designed pretty maps of land use use and park locations and got yelled at often by the general public who doesn't like whatever it is that there neighbor is doing.  Three months ago I did that.  

Fast Forward to April 26, 2010:  I still sit in front of computer for 8 hours a day and answer emails however it is mainly fun now.  I draw pretty pictures in paint.  I use paint.net to morph pictures of normal people into pictures of my sister and I visiting far-off places like Niagra Falls.  Sometimes I post on forums.  I update my facebook status a few times a week, I play evony and everyday sort through job postings on Craigslist and apply for those that make more than working at Wendy's (which isn't many here since we have a rather high unemployment rate of 13.2%.  Aargh!).    However, I think that I like my life better now.  I am broke and eligible for public assistance but I am happy.  My boss is myself and I tell me what to do.  Here are some scenarios to compare then versus now:

3 months ago:  Boss says “There is a city council meeting and we need these reports written ASAP and someone will need to give the presentations...you have 2 hours...GO!”

Now:  It is 11 am and I still haven't taken a shower.  I say “Self, take a shower!”  So I do. Much more relaxed.

3 months ago:  “My neighbor is building a house and their roof is blocking my view of the ski run, please stop him/my neighbor is painting their house blue and it doesn't match the shade of my house, please stop them/my neighbor doesn't mow his yard as much as I want him to, please stop him/I want to sell donuts in a residential area please don't stop me.”

Now:  Me--looking out the window at my neighbor--He is washing his car in his driveway peacefully.  I am watching a rerun of Cold Case.  I am drinking a beer.  This is nice.  No one stops me.

So as you can hopefully see, I am a better boss than my old one as I let myself do nothing really and everything is fun.  I don't get yelled at and if I do, I am in my house so I can yell back.   That feels really good.  I feel more like I have graduated to Neverneverland since I really do whatever I feel like.  This summer is going to be fun!  I do like anniversaries.  Now to celebrate, I am going to have a beer.  Cheers!

*Later, after my celebratory dinner of sloppy joes and strawberry yogurt I shall post a happy drawing to commemorate this occasion.*  **Update:  Here are the pictures that show me then, with a job and now without a job.

Happy Administrative Professionals Week

So apparently this week is "Administrative Professionals Week."  I knew of Secretaries Day and that they changed it to Administrative Assistant Day to be more P.C. in the early 00's but I didn't realize there is now a whole week of celebration.  WOW!  I wonder what offices really do to celebrate all week long?????  


When I was an administrative assistant (very long ago) a coworker told me to get him some coffee.  I told him to screw himself.  He said "What, you are my secretary."  I said "No, I am an Administrative Assistant."  So then he said since I wasn't a secretary and wouldn't fetch his morning cup of joe that he wouldn't buy me flowers for Secretaries Day.  He didn't either but his wife did.  She took the money out of his wallet when she heard what a flippin' tard he was and pitched it into the office pool which provided me with a bouquet of assorted rainbow colored flowers and a very nice lunch out.  Ahhhh, those were the days....


Here is how I would celebrate each day of Administrative Professionals Week if I was employed.  I would show up to work everyday and do my job.  I would also thank my employer on a daily basis for hiring me so that I would have a job and not have to live in my car (I don't really live in my car now but I used to have the greatest boss in the history of mankind and when we would bitch about how someone did us wrong or how work sucked she would remind us that we should be thankful that we had jobs and didn't have to live in our cars--and how right she was too).  I would then make coffee and offer to refill everyone's mugs when they were getting low and maybe even wear one of those server's aprons with the front pockets so I could carry around little packets of sugar, sugar in the raw, splenda, truvia, nutra-sweet (so many kinds because everyone has a differing favorite) and a cornucopia of flavored non-dairy creamers to make everyone that much more happy with their choice in hiring me.  And that is what I would do to celebrate Administrative Professionals Week.  Hire me please.....


My job search continues but it is filled with really simplistic jobs that even my 14 year old is over-qualified to do and would probably quit because it makes more money to be on unemployment.  I saw an advertisement for a retail greeter.  I don't think I am old enough to do that and plus I might not be very good at that.  I don't like to meet new people.  


I also saw a very interesting prospect on Craigslist this weekend and I may look into but I have some reservations.  You see, I prefer quiet.  I don't really like loud that much and you know that I don't like stupid typos and noob users of computers and the like.  Anyway, this job could be promising because it is for a Fortune 500 company (or so says the ad).  The problem with the ad is that it is in ALL CAPS AND THAT MAKES ME AFRAID THAT THEY WILL SCREAM EVERYTHING AND I WON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE THERE and they said it was an Echo-friendly company which worries me because then all that yelling they do will just echo back and forth and what if it is in a very solid building where those sounds just reverb all day long from the yelling.  My tummy is starting to hurt thinking about it and I am now getting anxiety from it.....I really hope that they meant it was an Eco-friendly company because I like recycling and earth-friendly alternatives.  I also think it might be a good fit for me because much like myself, this company obviously enjoys using run-on sentences.  Here is that posting:

Happy Administrative Professionals Week to you and your friends who are lucky enough to have jobs and not sleep in your car.....