Web Technology and Parenting Rant

My skills are finally benefiting me.  This week we will launch a new website at work that I have created as an assignment.  I wish it could be super, duper rockin' with flash enabled gadgets and woozits all over but, alas, it will not.  We have a web hosting company that uses templates for promotional items that can be customized with your name, logo, etc.  The current templates look like web sites created in 1999 using simple html code only and no Javascript.  Luckily, the new launch is on a platform that is reminiscent of homestead.com.  It is more of a drag and drop and you can embed your own code in objects to circumvent their templates.  There is also CSS which allows a full overhaul from the basic setup.  I am rather excited since it should give the company an edge.  Finally, we will look like we know what we are doing.  My boss is stoked and has really been talking it up.  You would have thought I just invented the Internet if Al Gore hadn't done it first from they way he is describing it.

The web hosting company is impressed with what I was able to do with the basic membership and has asked if they can use our site as an example of what can be done with the site without purchasing the custom option.  Our representative even offered me a job if I want to move to California, which I don't.  Yes, I complain about the cold in Montana but there are way too many in SoCal for me to deal with on a daily basis.  I like quiet, sparse and predictable.  Plus, I am not the best at programming.  I just have a knack for figuring out what I want to do and only researching the aspects that are needed to do it.

On the home front this week it has all been about arguing.  My 10 year-old is practicing his mediation skills.  The arguing has all been about cleaning his bedroom.  It is not that bad.  It doesn't look like this:

And it wasn't even this bad:

Whatever the case, you would have thought it was a very difficult project due to the arguing and fits that were being had (and that was on both sides because I felt like Mommy Dearest was going to make a second coming due to my frustration level with the whole thing)

Now it is Sunday evening and the job is almost done.  Thank goodness.  I suppose I will get an 18 hour reprieve until he gets home from school tomorrow and has to pick it up again.....Parenting.  Blech!

PS.  Neither of the pictures posted above were taken of my home.  They were clipped from the internet.  I just felt the urge to clarify that.

Rejection Letter

Since no one apparently feels the need to send out rejection letters (which used to be common place prior to the recession but now there are so many people looking for work employers have decided to be arse-holes and stopped providing such polite correspondence) I have created a standard template available for mass distribution.  If you would like a copy of the letter as a MS Word or Works document, pdf or OpenOffice format please let me know and I will gladly email it to you as an attachment.  Thank you and have a blessed day.

Dear Nikki (Or Whomever Else This Is Being Sent To):

Thank you for taking the time to apply for the position to work for our crappy organization.  Although we are rather sure you could perform the job with the utmost attention to detail and above and beyond all of our imaginations' desires we have decided not to hire you due to the following reason(s): *Circle the corresponding reason that the person will remain unemployed*

• You are smarter than the boss and he/she has an inferiority complex and they can not hire someone as qualified as yourself.
• This company only hires people with shitty work habits and horrible interpersonal relational skills (DMV, Tech Support Places, Hospitals, Billing Centers).
• There was a smudge on your resume and/or cover letter and we fear it may be a booger.  It grossed us out so we can not entertain the idea of hiring you since we won't touch your application materials and burned them.  We got your information from the return address on the envelope.
• There were typos in your application materials.
• There were no typos in your application materials.
• There was nothing wrong with your application materials and it made us scared that we all might have to work harder to keep up with someone that is over-qualified and rocks (such as yourself).
• We suck and we like to suck so we will stay sucky by not hiring you.
• You are too tall/short/fat/skinny/blonde/sun-burnt/curly-haired/happy/smelly/talkative/quiet/loud/       (other reason)to fit into our office dynamics.
• We only hire oompa-loompas.
• When we said we were hiring we only posted it because by law we had too.  There was already a pre-qualified candidate named the Boss's daughter/son.
• We hired your mother.
• We no longer have the funds to support this position, it was unfilled so long that we lost business and now we are closing. 
• Someone else beat you to the punch and they work for recycled paper and drink yesterday's cold coffee.  It will save money in the long run.
• Someone else applied and had sex with the human resources manager to be guaranteed a job.
• It was just fun to mess with your head, waste your time and get your hopes up.  You suck.  Kill yourself.  
• You will never find a good job unless you work for a parade and pick up poop after the horses; or work for a circus and pick up poop from the dirty elephants and dancing horses; or at the zoo and clean up poop that the gorillas throw over the fence.  You are poop.

We appreciate your interest in our company and will keep your resume on file for future positions or to make us laugh when we are bored.

Respectfully,

I.M. Fullacrap
President/Boss/Director/Shithead that didn't hire you