In Which I Get a Job - for real this time!!!!

After 6 frustrating months--2 weeks left until my unemployment money runs out--I received a decent job offer, which I happily accepted.  The job is not in the planning field.  Not even close.  It is actually one that may bring personal happiness through work.  I am looking forward to that.  It is a social work type job with an assisted living facility.  I like people.  I like problem solving.  This is the best of both. Hopefully it works out well and I won't have to be unemployed like this again.  While I did enjoy not working during the summer months, having plenty of free time, having a clean house and sleeping in each morning; the overall lack of money really sucked.  If I have to work in order to afford the basic necessities then at least I can work with something that provides some enjoyment.  

Granted it doesn't come close to what I have made hourly in the last 10 years either but I can work my way up and the freedom, flexibility and reliability are worth it.  Additionally, my friend (whose job I am filling because she quit to fulfill her dreams--and I wish her luck because that takes balls) says it is a wonderful place to work and she absolutely loved it.  I trust her because she is the most straight forward person I have ever met and if it were a crap-hole full of nasty politics and unhappiness like the last black hole of ectoplasam where we worked together, she would have told me and she would have worded it like a sailor and there would be no mistaking how she felt about it.  It was on her glowing recommendation that I even applied for it.  So props to you, Mare, you rock!  Hope you succeed in the next endeavor because I don't plan on giving you your job back should you want it again :)

What I learned:  I had no luck applying for jobs on craigslist.  Yahoo! Jobs, Monster and CareerBuilder all seem to be shams.  No luck ever--only scam jobs or job listings ripped from other sources.  In the end, good old fashioned job service proved to be one of two viable sources.  The other source was usajobs.gov.  I found a contract position through it however I don't want to move so that offer wasn't accepted.  

Finding work this late in the game was stressful.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do beyond August.  At least the feds approved the extension of unemployment so technically I could have received another 33 weeks of unemployment but still, it is not enough to live.  I will be happy to no longer qualify for food stamps.  I will be happy to have benefits.  I will be happy to a have job.   Now that I cashed in my retirement, I can go shopping so I can have nice new clothes for my nice new job.  Woot!  Woot!  Now that is also something to be happy about.

Yellow River.....

There are certain jobs that I just won't do regardless if turning them down would disqualify me from collecting unemployment each week.  Those jobs as we have come to know most likely involve animals, poop and blood.  I suppose I had left out urine.  Here is an announcement from good ol' Careerbuilder about a job in my area--even though it was categorized as not a good match they sent it to me anyway.  I have posted it below as proof. I am not a doctor.  I will never be a doctor.  I have not ever been a doctor nor a urologist.  I don't work with the yellow kind of pee-pee and I don't work with men's pee-pees or women's hootchies.   This job is definitely not for me although it would be a good match for any urologists you may know looking for work especially if they are trained in the computer program listed.  

BTW--I used to have a job that worked with urine.  Not a fun thing to do.  I worked in a probation office and one of those "other duties as assigned" included watching females urinate in cups and verifying that they had not tampered with the urine about to be sampled.  Two people were required to do this for safety and liability--as you might suppose, it would be rather easy for a person to say someone acted inappropriately while watching them pee.  Strength in numbers.  In addition to watching a person pee or watching the person watch the person pee (I preferred to watch the watcher), I was lucky enough to be the one who packaged the urine samples and sent them off via Fed-ex.  This duty as assigned involved wrapping the pee in ultra-absorbent barriers so as not to leak about the box should the lid come dislodged.  The worst part was that while I waited for the Fed-Ex carrier to arrive, the pee samples sat on my desk.  Yep.  Right next to my coffee.  Good times.  I will divulge that the whole reason I went back to university was because of this job.  I wanted a job where I NEVER had to deal with pee again.  Now I just deal with the crap that comes along with unemployment.  Aargh!

How Do You Think They Intended To Use the Word Intercourse?

Today I opened my email and was delighted to see that I had a response from my resume posted on CareerBuilder.  Finally!  Woo-hoo.  Upon close inspection of the email I found I had some lingering questions regarding the possibility to work out of the home so I sent a response email.  I am unsure if I will receive a reply to my inquiry.  I shall keep you posted.  Below is our correspondence.  I have highlighted that area of concern in the original email.  As the email did not have a signature, I sent the correspondence to the name of the person who sent the email. Have a Blessed Day!  *Note: I included screen shots as to verify the validity of this post. 

Dear Nicole 
Sirius Business Research LLC. EU Company is seeking an Operations Contractor. 100% Home Based opportunity is available in April 2010.
The Company renders risk management researches and consulting services for Iron and Steel Industry.
Descriptions include but are not limited to:

• Cooperate and forwarding client on the Web, by phone or personally
• Paper trail, records and accounting
• Continuing education and training
• Analyzing client's demands and requirements

Wages: $400+/week after short probation period.
Requirements:

• Verbal and written intercourse skills
• Computer skills(Internet, Office)

To apply please send this invitation on leader.mtl.co@gmail.comHr Dept.
Wagramer Str. 4
Hochhaus Neue Donau
Floor 7, office 708.
1220 Vienna, Austria
Sirius Business Research LLC.


Here is my reply:

Dear Priscilla:

In response to your email of April 23, 2010 I am bit concerned that this may not be a legitimate offer. Please reply to this email so I may verify the validity of your offer. As for the required skills, I have been told I am very adept with intercourse in many different manners including both written and verbal.  Whenever I am away from home I engage in verbal intercourse with my husband via telephone.  Sometimes we communicate in that manner via email.  Is this the skill you are looking for?  If so, I would be very interested if it involves my husband.  If not, then I am not interested in having verbal or written intercourse with anyone else.  I made a vow when I got married to be true to one person. Engaging in intercourse with others appears to void this arrangement.

If your email refers to verbal and written skills pertaining to office correspondence then I do believe I am interested.  Please let me know in which manner you are referencing intercourse.  I do not have any interest in becoming one of those phone operators on a 1-976 phone number even if it is a home based business.

Regards,

Nicole