Housekeeping = Stripping

Well, this is a first.  Craigslist has a post for housekeepers wearing lingerie.  It pays $15 an hour plus tips.  Hmmmmm.  Rather interesting since the other day there was a post for nude housekeepers that only paid $10 an hour.  It was quickly taken down.  It happened so fast that I didn't even get a screen shot of it.  Some prude must have reported it for inappropriate content.  I have know idea why they would....

Do you think nude or scantily clad housekeepers clean homes with stripper poles?  I was a stripper before but it only involved cleaning (see old post for explanation as I was not a "real" stripper, it was a job title).

I wonder if this is even legal.  Flathead County has some rather strict regulations on stripping, peep shows, nudity, blah, blah.  The City of Whitefish has even tighter restrictions.  I learned this when someone wanted to open a topless burger joint when I was a planner.  It didn't happen.

Life is a cabert!

Update 1-24-12: So this posting was on Craigslist tonight. Apparently the poster was rather upset that "fem-nazi sheep" had been reporting his post.  Tee-hee! (I wonder if he listens to Michael Savage or Rush Limbaugh since that is usually how they refer to women....)

Update 1-26-12: The last posted was deleted and another new one has appeared.  It is much nicer than the last one.  This poor guy must have consulted an attorney.

In Which I Get a Job that I like!!!!

I have undergone quite the transformation in the past year and half.  I went from a highly professional job where I was valued for my knowledge and treated in high regards to some very different types of positions.  [It is funny when I think back to it.  Sometimes I remember events and for some reason everyone in my head speaks with an English accent and sometimes I am wearing a wig like George Washington.  Ok, so that is when I have dreams about my old job but still...it is kinda odd don't ya think, chap?  End Rant Here.]  I was a pizza delivery driver, pizza maker, house keeper and finally an overqualified butt wiper.  I know my last job wasn't really all butt-wiping but it was the part that I had NO IDEA about before I had accepted it.  Granted, it was only when I had to work the floor or as a last resort, but just not my cup of tea (see, the English thing again).

Overall the dynamics where I worked for 9 months were not ideal.  Many times I felt like Lloyd in Dumb & Dumber (*Note, to truly understand the torment please click on that link).  I could go on and on and I am sure over time I will post little snippets of the hellish ordeal but for now I am trying to remove it from my memory and focus on the good.  Which is why I am writing in the first place and it brings us full circle to one year ago........

Last year I interviewed for a position that I knew I could totally do and was offered the job in a round-about way.  They basically said they couldn't afford me.  They said what they could offer and I agreed with them because at that time, my naivety about how dire the job market would become was unfathomable.  I was still expecting to find a job that made within $5 and hour of what I had been making.  So needless to say, I went on my merry way and continued to drudge forward through unemployment for another 6 months {Rant--my husband continually said "I told you to accept that other job" whenever I complained about the job I had accepted. Rant ends here}.

Fast forward 13 months later: While perusing through Craigslist I spied the same job that I had turned down last year!!!!!   No way!  Could it be?!?!  Since I had accepted the other job and "settled" for a lower salary that was commensurate with what they had offered me I wondered if I should go for it.  When I told my husband about it his response was "I told you to accept it last year!"  So I contacted them and told them my situation: the past year was pure hell and I had kicked myself for not accepting it before and I GOT THE JOB!!!!  That simple!!!!!!  Holy buckets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I started at the new job about two weeks ago.  It is a job I can do.  It is a job that makes me happy.  It is a job where I am appreciated.  It is a job where I am no longer on call, ever!!  I can have nights and weekends and holidays free!  I can go out of town.  I can drink too many beers and not get a call that someone is sick or didn't show up or there is a major crisis that I can't deal with because I got my beers on.  I can take the kids to school in the morning and then go to work.  I can leave for a full hour at lunch and take my husband to work and not have to check out and let someone know I am leaving the premise on my own time.  Pay dirt baby!!!!

My new job is administrative--the kind of crap that I did before I went to college.  However, my experiences elsewhere have come in handy and I am actually highly-qualified!!!!!!!!!  My desk is behind a large counter.  You can't even see my head when you walk in unless I really sit up to peer over the ledge.  It is my happy place.  My very own happy place and I can't think of anywhere I would rather be from 8:30 - 5 pm, Monday through Friday.  Woot! Woot!

In Which I Get a Job - for real this time!!!!

After 6 frustrating months--2 weeks left until my unemployment money runs out--I received a decent job offer, which I happily accepted.  The job is not in the planning field.  Not even close.  It is actually one that may bring personal happiness through work.  I am looking forward to that.  It is a social work type job with an assisted living facility.  I like people.  I like problem solving.  This is the best of both. Hopefully it works out well and I won't have to be unemployed like this again.  While I did enjoy not working during the summer months, having plenty of free time, having a clean house and sleeping in each morning; the overall lack of money really sucked.  If I have to work in order to afford the basic necessities then at least I can work with something that provides some enjoyment.  

Granted it doesn't come close to what I have made hourly in the last 10 years either but I can work my way up and the freedom, flexibility and reliability are worth it.  Additionally, my friend (whose job I am filling because she quit to fulfill her dreams--and I wish her luck because that takes balls) says it is a wonderful place to work and she absolutely loved it.  I trust her because she is the most straight forward person I have ever met and if it were a crap-hole full of nasty politics and unhappiness like the last black hole of ectoplasam where we worked together, she would have told me and she would have worded it like a sailor and there would be no mistaking how she felt about it.  It was on her glowing recommendation that I even applied for it.  So props to you, Mare, you rock!  Hope you succeed in the next endeavor because I don't plan on giving you your job back should you want it again :)

What I learned:  I had no luck applying for jobs on craigslist.  Yahoo! Jobs, Monster and CareerBuilder all seem to be shams.  No luck ever--only scam jobs or job listings ripped from other sources.  In the end, good old fashioned job service proved to be one of two viable sources.  The other source was usajobs.gov.  I found a contract position through it however I don't want to move so that offer wasn't accepted.  

Finding work this late in the game was stressful.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do beyond August.  At least the feds approved the extension of unemployment so technically I could have received another 33 weeks of unemployment but still, it is not enough to live.  I will be happy to no longer qualify for food stamps.  I will be happy to have benefits.  I will be happy to a have job.   Now that I cashed in my retirement, I can go shopping so I can have nice new clothes for my nice new job.  Woot!  Woot!  Now that is also something to be happy about.

Striking Gold

Wowsers.  I struck it rich on Craigslist today.  After a very long dry spell of any amusing job postings, I found two this morning-- ripe and ready for the picking.  La-di-da!

First up is a continuation of our old friend, Edwina, and her property preservation request.  I have no doubt that this has been posted by the same bottom feeders willing to pay a whopping $7.50 for a site visit!  (Gas is $2.89 a gallon right now, barely covers gas.  Idiots.....)  Funniest part is how they ended their posting:  "If you are insured, and honest, we should talk," as opposed to "If you don't have your own worker's comp policy and are a liar..."  Der....  That "we should talk" part should be a red flag that this is not the most genuine posting.  Maybe they should have ended it with "Lets do lunch, dahhhhling," in order to have a higher response rate since only a newb job hunter would respond to this one and, hey, free lunch!

Second idiot posting of the day comes to us from Sarah and Kent who feel that they have discovered the key to success and happiness and therefore must advertise it on Craigslist instead of late night infomercials.  They begin their post with an extremely annoying headline:  "Do you desire a change?"  Answer:  "No, I just look for jobs because I enjoy it."  "No, I just peruse job postings as a way of making myself feel better since I already have a job and want to laugh at the lack of good jobs available."  Why would they include that rhetorical question as their lead-in!?!?!?!  Of course I want change!!!!! Why would I be reading wanted ads online if I wanted to stay all caught up in the usual rigmarole of being unemployed.   For gods sakes alive!  This just really annoyed me but not as much as when I visited the website.  The website was so bad and I became so frustrated by the ambiguous phrases hinting towards financial freedom that I couldn't even post a screen shot here.  It made me so disgusted that I vurped.  I then took some Tums and only posted a screen shot of the ad.  Aaargh!!!!!!!!!

I am not sure if it is the weather, the moon cycle, my female cycle or the fact that I am entering into my 5th (yep, that is right) 5th f'in month of unemployment that is making me sound more like Maxine in those grouchy cartoons than sounding like myself (see dumb cartoon below).  I am also getting so distraught with my lack of leads that becoming an alcoholic or collecting disability pay for doing nothing is becoming more appealing by the minute.  If you are an alcoholic there are recovery services available for you and they will help you find a job if you go into "recovery."  If you are disabled, you can either get free schooling to be retrained or just collect money each month from your mailbox job.  You don't really have to be disabled in the usual manner of loosing body parts either.  You can just have a mental illness.  Mine is unemployment.  It is driving me crazy.  Grrrrr again.

Hungry for Money????? This job is for you.

I saw an interesting post on Craigslist for a job that was titled Financial Sales.  When I clicked on the posting I was not really surprised to see what I consider most likely a scam type job.  There seems to be quite a few scam jobs listed at any one time.  The dead give-aways for scam jobs almost always utilize the word "self-starter" and/or "motivated."  This job didn't require motivation just a self-starter for selling something to public companies as opposed to private companies.  Not sure of the difference.  The other interesting thing about this particular post is they only want to hire a hungry person.  I am unclear whether they are referring to hungry for knowledge, work, money or food or if they mean all of those.... Hungry is not typically a word used in job postings unless the position is for a professional eater, food taster or restaurant mystery shopper.   For some reason it reminds of "Angry for Coins" with Coinbird  (which I still think is the most brilliant piece of crapanimation on the web--shout out to Will Smith, one of the funniest people I have ever met).  Also,  if they want hungry people I would recommend tacking the posting up on the bulletin boards at Weight Watchers meetings or churches where they have those TOPS meetings as well.   There are probably many hungry people at those diet meeting centers.....

Overall, this job posting does include the usual descriptive terminology one would list in a legitimate advertisement--yet it still reeks of direct sales such as Amway, Quixstar, Avon or Tupperware.  I am not clear which of those direct sales companies would be marketing public companies so maybe there is a new one that sells pens and pencils, printers, paper or other happy and interesting office supplies that will make your life that much easier with things you didn't know you needed before you purchased them.  The posting also uses double spacing between sentences which is a plus.  It lacked commas and hyphens where I feel they should be included.  The posting also leaves out pertinent information for contacting the poster other than the blind email and omits hours of operation or status as full-time or part-time.  I would grade this posting as a "B".  Good job poster.  This is a better than average scam job posting.

Shoulda been a Cowgirl

Yee-haw Buckaroo.  Ain't much goin' on in the job market here.  Ain't much of nothin' nowhere it seems.  Only promisin' jobs are for a phlebotomist (works with blood - yuck), attorney (which I ain't), pediatrician (which I ain't for sure and won't never be since I hate blood and don't really like sick lil' ones), hotel workers (I am only doin' that as a fill-in--don't wanna do it full-time) and line cooks (not into that neither).  It's enough to git a girls saddle bags in a bunch.


Although, there was one job I saw posted at Job Service no less.  I ain't lying neither.  It was for a range rider.   This is Montana ya know.   No shit.  Someone to watch over the cows on the open range.  $1,600 a month.  Cabin provided.  You gotta cook yer own tender vittlens and pay fer em too.  Didn't say if there were a stove or a fire pit.  Did say preferred to bring yer own horse and tack.  Wish I had my own horse and tack.  Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, that ain't true.  I hate poop.  I like long showers, doin my hair,  smellin' purty, and sleepin' indoors under clean sheets.  Don't think I would do so great on the open range. It was a nice idea while it lasted.  

Too bad this job wasn't posted back in 1937.  My grandfather wouldda loved it.  Matter of fact, he had a job similar in Oregon territory (actually it was a state by then).  Only difference is there was no cabin and he slept outside and sometimes they ran out of food and he had to eat rodents like squirrels.  He loved riding his horse though.  See--don't think I'm cut out to be a cowgirl or at least not a real one. I do have some very nice and slick lookin' Ariats.  I am in LOVE with my boots.  I guess I am more of a poser or a city slicker since as I said before I hate poop and don't like bein' dirty.  I would like the range rider job if I could dress like Dale Evans and get pampered too (see kick ass image below.  Note: My mom was named after Dale Evans).  That would make it all worth it.  Happy Trails and happy job huntin....

I thought it was Wednesday but it is Thursday

Somedays I can tell that I haven't had a job for a long time. Last week I went to license the utility trailer and all I knew was that it was the 20-something of April. Today I was excited because it was hump-day then I realized it is Thursday. Hump-day isn't so much a hump anymore without a real job but it is the little things in life that keep us sane. Right?

There was one promising job in the paper this morning. I rewrote my resume and cover letter for it and promptly submitted it via email. If I tell you what it was for then I will jinx myself so I won't tell anyone what I apply for anymore--not that I really did that often. I am just tired of being asked "Hey, did you get the job as a tic-tac counter? I just love orange tic-tacs." ME: "No." *then I cry*

There were two jobs on Craigslist that I definitly do not want and would not be good at. One is a chef. I am only good at cooking for my family. In a large restaurant I probably wouldn't do so well. I can however make sloppy joes very excellently and hot dogs. I am good at hot dogs. 

There was also a job posted for an assistant woodworker. That is not one I should try. Ever. I am very clumsy. Honestly.  When I worked in Idaho, I got hurt at work so often that my boss forbid me from filing another worker's comp claim. I am serious. 

Once I fell and broke my butt (later I just found out it was only the tail bone but I still tell people that I fell so hard it cracked my butt). Another time I was sitting at my desk and dropped a pencil. Usually not an eventful action for people. For me it was. See, as I was sitting in my chair I bent forwardish rather quickly to pick the pencil up with my very long arms. Only my arm wasn't as long as I thought and I smacked the bridge of my nose on the edge of the desk. I broke my nose. No shit. Sitting right there at a desk job--I got two black eyes and broke my nose. 

Another time we were posting a job site on a very windy day. So windy in fact that when I reached up to pull the hatch down on the back of the vehicle, the wind caught it and that automatic shutting hatch which normally comes down really slow--not so slow in a 40 mile per hour wind. Smash! It came down on my face and cut the skin off my nose. Actually, I just felt it hit my nose and I keeled over and was like "Oh *#!#" (It actually sounded more like the F-word). Then I yelled to my co-worker who was wondering what the hell was going on as I am bent over screaming "I think I broke my nose and it appears to be bleeding."  He says "Let me see."  I uncupped my hands and showed him.  His face=white.  His response "Oh shit!  You didn't just break it, Nikki.  You cut your nose off!"  That is when he gave me his red fleece vest and told me not to look in the mirror.  He was such a good friend.  He took me to the Emergency Room where I was in luck that it was a clean cut and I had my nose flap glued back on.  He even called my husband -then boyfriend- to tell him where I was.  Also, he didn't mind that I had put blood all over his vest.  He was the best kind of co-worker to have.....

So anyway, maybe that would give you a little perspective as to why I don't think I will be applying for the woodworker position.  I drew a picture of how my first day would go.

A Promising Job

Ok.  So I lied.  It is not a promising job that I saw posted on Craigslist this morning.  It did make me think and I briefly became creative and had one of those little daydreams in my head where I am off doing something different other than sitting on the couch with my laptop on my knees...  It was for a Graveyard Waitress.   Right away I thought "Who would want to work in the cemetery at night?"  Then I remembered that I am blonde and realized it was for the night shift.  No shit.  That is how my brain works sometimes especially the longer I go without exercising it with a real job that involves thinking and crap like that.  Anyway, here is a picture that I drew of what I thought the job should entail.  I bet this is more fun than the real job since the real job is at the bowling alley.  It is the only 24 hour restaurant we have in town.  It would not really be a fun job since the railroaders and drunks are most likely the only ones to come in that late at night.  But I bet that would make it easier than a busy shift.  However, it would be more fun if it was in the graveyard.  Boo!

Craigslist also has a post by a middle school student who doesn't want to work for money, he wants to work for a dirt bike.  So if anyone has a dirt bike laying around please give it to that kid because he went out of his way to post that and it was probably out of his comfort zone-- because in junior high I was shy and not outgoing like that--I bet he isn't either but he REALLY wants a dirt bike so he is willing to post on craigslist, give up his entire summer, and walk or ride a bike all over town just to do work so he can get a dirt bike.  If I had a dirt bike I would give it to him.  I sure like that kid.  I almost hope he finds a job before I do because I at least get unemployment and this poor kid he gets nothing.  Good luck to you kid.  I hope you find your bike soon!

It's my Anniversary!!!

Most people celebrate anniversaries so I will mark this occasion.  I have officially been unemployed for 3 months today.  Oh joy!  Three months ago I sat under fluorescent lights for 8 hours a day in front of two (yes 2) LCD monitors and answered emails, shuffled papers, designed pretty maps of land use use and park locations and got yelled at often by the general public who doesn't like whatever it is that there neighbor is doing.  Three months ago I did that.  

Fast Forward to April 26, 2010:  I still sit in front of computer for 8 hours a day and answer emails however it is mainly fun now.  I draw pretty pictures in paint.  I use paint.net to morph pictures of normal people into pictures of my sister and I visiting far-off places like Niagra Falls.  Sometimes I post on forums.  I update my facebook status a few times a week, I play evony and everyday sort through job postings on Craigslist and apply for those that make more than working at Wendy's (which isn't many here since we have a rather high unemployment rate of 13.2%.  Aargh!).    However, I think that I like my life better now.  I am broke and eligible for public assistance but I am happy.  My boss is myself and I tell me what to do.  Here are some scenarios to compare then versus now:

3 months ago:  Boss says “There is a city council meeting and we need these reports written ASAP and someone will need to give the presentations...you have 2 hours...GO!”

Now:  It is 11 am and I still haven't taken a shower.  I say “Self, take a shower!”  So I do. Much more relaxed.

3 months ago:  “My neighbor is building a house and their roof is blocking my view of the ski run, please stop him/my neighbor is painting their house blue and it doesn't match the shade of my house, please stop them/my neighbor doesn't mow his yard as much as I want him to, please stop him/I want to sell donuts in a residential area please don't stop me.”

Now:  Me--looking out the window at my neighbor--He is washing his car in his driveway peacefully.  I am watching a rerun of Cold Case.  I am drinking a beer.  This is nice.  No one stops me.

So as you can hopefully see, I am a better boss than my old one as I let myself do nothing really and everything is fun.  I don't get yelled at and if I do, I am in my house so I can yell back.   That feels really good.  I feel more like I have graduated to Neverneverland since I really do whatever I feel like.  This summer is going to be fun!  I do like anniversaries.  Now to celebrate, I am going to have a beer.  Cheers!

*Later, after my celebratory dinner of sloppy joes and strawberry yogurt I shall post a happy drawing to commemorate this occasion.*  **Update:  Here are the pictures that show me then, with a job and now without a job.

Slave Labor in Montana

During my quest for gainful employment (I call it that because my father always used that term because it means a “real” job and not a wayward kind of summer gig or one that will require you live in your Dad's basement for years) I have followed up on a number of promising postings on craigslist for independent contractor positions.  You know, where I do something for someone because I want to not because my boss is lazy and makes me do it so they can then take the credit for it—that kind of work. 

Back in March I saw an ad that really sparked my interest.  It involved distressed properties and vacant properties.  It was for a Field Inspector and it involved using a digital camera or camera phone and knowledge of how to use the computer and email.  BINGO!  I can do this one for sure.  Plus, I had been researching field inspector jobs because the foreclosure rate is rather high and they are in demand.  (These are the jerks that drive by your house and take pictures so the bank can put the picture on the internet before you have been fully foreclosed, evicted and lost everything—I know, times are tough, I need a job,  Jeez...)  I googled the email, backchecked the company = figured it was legitimate and got the name of the person who posted it and found their picture online too (I have also been looking for jobs as a skip tracer and private dick---I just used the word dick and it wasn't naughty, haha) so I fired off an email to the email listed on the craigslist post. 

Dear Courtney:

I am interested in the posting on Craigslist for a part-time field inspector.  I have a laptop, digital camera and reliable transportation. I also have extensive knowledge of Flathead County and the surrounding areas as I used to perform site visits regularly.   I am a professional land use planner by trade however I was recently laid off due to budget reasons.   I am now working part-time as a land use consultant. 

Attached is a pdf version of my resume.  Although I may appear highly qualified, I truly am interested in any part--time positions that may be available.  I look forward to hearing from you.  I may be reached at my home number of 406-000-0000 on my cell phone at 000-867-5309.

Regards,

Nikki 

Reflecting back I would not have put the part about the budget cutback BS but if a professional anything is looking for a job at let's say, KFC, one would usually assume that they suck and can't get a real job that have training for or they suck and were fired and I don't suck.  That said, I included it and the thingy about being highly qualified.  Have you seen my resume?  I have not always worked at burrito buses (not that there is anything wrong with it...)


A few days later I get a response and without spending as much time as it took me to write this little story or the earlier email, I erased the idea from my memory.  Actually, it was such a sham deal that I rather forgot about it until I was a running a clean up of the folder where I save all the random doo-doo I find on the internet and remembered that I had saved the webpage and then located the emails here for your enjoyment.  Anyway, blah blah, I am talking too much so here is the response and I will let you decide if I made the right choice with not following up... *Note you don't have to read everything she wrote.  I kinda added some large fonts and crap to point out the stupid parts*

Good afternoon Nikki:
My name is Edwina and I'm the rep coordinator for the state of Montana. Please read the information provide below, and we can talk about what area's you can cover.  Here is some information on the types of work we do and compensation: 
Many of our inspections only require a simple verification of occupancy,a description of the property, and a photo.  With every inspection, you need to determine the condition of the property and the neighborhood,the roof type, the color, the type of property (is it single family,condo, apartment?), construction type (brick, frame, etc) and the number of stories.  It's also very important to note if the property is for sale, and if so, we need the realtor name and phone number.  Sometimes these inspections may include a letter or door tag to leave at the property for the homeowner.
If there is a letter to be delivered to the homeowner it must be left at the property in a sealed envelope. Or, the mortgage company may ask that we leave a call back tag at the property.  This simply provides the mortgage company's name and toll-free number with a request that the mortgagor call them.
We also do insurance loss inspections or Loss Drafts.  This inspection requires you to set an appointment with the homeowner to go out and view and photograph repairs being made to the  property.  
Our company does a wide range of inspections; many not requiring any contact at the property.  We are always looking for good; reliable reps within every community.  
Our company also does Property Preservation to keep each vacant property in good condition and within city codes.  We do things like change locks, remove left over personal property and damaged appliances, winterization and mow lawns just to name a few.  As a rep, you are not required to do both preservation and inspection work, however, they do go hand in hand, and both are integral parts of what we do.


Here are the fees we pay for each type of inspection:

• Loan Service Report/No Contact 7.50
• Loan Service Report/With Contact 8.00
• Property Inspection Only 7.50
• Rush Property Inspection 15.00
• Loss Draft 12.00
• Rush Loss Draft 15.00
• Commercial Inspection 15.00
• Rush Commercial Inspection 25.00

*Note: I made the font much larger and red so you could see it easier.   I would also like to point out that these prices are in US dollars not abbreviations for larger denomiations although they could be in pesos since it is such a small amount.  Barely covers for the frickin' gas money in most cases.  Flathead County is over 5,00 square miles in size - it is comparable to the entire state of Connecticut for pete's sake.


We require a 25% discount on any preservation work we assign to you. (What???? They will pay me even less than the dribble they quoted above??? Hello McFly....NO!!!!!)


Please let me know either way if you are interested in joining our team at Wewillscrewyouover (name changed to protect anonnimty of slave labor using company that is not Wal-Mart).  If so, please provide all of your contact information including your mailing address, fax number, all phone numbers where you can be 
reached, and your SSN or Tax ID with company name, whichever you prefer. I look forward to hearing from you.  Have a wonderful day.
I have put together a list of counties I need help in, please let me know what counties you can work. [I edited out the list of what looked like all 56 counties in Montana so you wouldn't have to read them but if you are interested here is a list of all of them alphabetically  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_counties_in_Montana]
Thank you, 
Edwina [I also omitted her last name and contact info because I don't want crazies on the internet contacting her and telling her they got her number from me.  That's not how I roll...]

Happy Administrative Professionals Week

So apparently this week is "Administrative Professionals Week."  I knew of Secretaries Day and that they changed it to Administrative Assistant Day to be more P.C. in the early 00's but I didn't realize there is now a whole week of celebration.  WOW!  I wonder what offices really do to celebrate all week long?????  


When I was an administrative assistant (very long ago) a coworker told me to get him some coffee.  I told him to screw himself.  He said "What, you are my secretary."  I said "No, I am an Administrative Assistant."  So then he said since I wasn't a secretary and wouldn't fetch his morning cup of joe that he wouldn't buy me flowers for Secretaries Day.  He didn't either but his wife did.  She took the money out of his wallet when she heard what a flippin' tard he was and pitched it into the office pool which provided me with a bouquet of assorted rainbow colored flowers and a very nice lunch out.  Ahhhh, those were the days....


Here is how I would celebrate each day of Administrative Professionals Week if I was employed.  I would show up to work everyday and do my job.  I would also thank my employer on a daily basis for hiring me so that I would have a job and not have to live in my car (I don't really live in my car now but I used to have the greatest boss in the history of mankind and when we would bitch about how someone did us wrong or how work sucked she would remind us that we should be thankful that we had jobs and didn't have to live in our cars--and how right she was too).  I would then make coffee and offer to refill everyone's mugs when they were getting low and maybe even wear one of those server's aprons with the front pockets so I could carry around little packets of sugar, sugar in the raw, splenda, truvia, nutra-sweet (so many kinds because everyone has a differing favorite) and a cornucopia of flavored non-dairy creamers to make everyone that much more happy with their choice in hiring me.  And that is what I would do to celebrate Administrative Professionals Week.  Hire me please.....


My job search continues but it is filled with really simplistic jobs that even my 14 year old is over-qualified to do and would probably quit because it makes more money to be on unemployment.  I saw an advertisement for a retail greeter.  I don't think I am old enough to do that and plus I might not be very good at that.  I don't like to meet new people.  


I also saw a very interesting prospect on Craigslist this weekend and I may look into but I have some reservations.  You see, I prefer quiet.  I don't really like loud that much and you know that I don't like stupid typos and noob users of computers and the like.  Anyway, this job could be promising because it is for a Fortune 500 company (or so says the ad).  The problem with the ad is that it is in ALL CAPS AND THAT MAKES ME AFRAID THAT THEY WILL SCREAM EVERYTHING AND I WON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE THERE and they said it was an Echo-friendly company which worries me because then all that yelling they do will just echo back and forth and what if it is in a very solid building where those sounds just reverb all day long from the yelling.  My tummy is starting to hurt thinking about it and I am now getting anxiety from it.....I really hope that they meant it was an Eco-friendly company because I like recycling and earth-friendly alternatives.  I also think it might be a good fit for me because much like myself, this company obviously enjoys using run-on sentences.  Here is that posting:

Happy Administrative Professionals Week to you and your friends who are lucky enough to have jobs and not sleep in your car.....

Still No Luck But This Job Says YUCK!

I am still looking, and looking, and looking, and....Nothing promising yet.  This morning I saw a rather interesting job that I classified right away as disgusting and gross.  I understand the job has merits as it is for a remover of eyeballs for cornea transplants but I could NEVER do it.  I think I would pee my pants or go into a catatonic state the first time I even attempted to remove tissue from a cadaver.  *Chills thinking about it*  Anyway, here is the listing from Craigslist so you can be sure I wasn't making this one up.  I read it with my own two eyes...LOL.  You'll have to click on it to make it bigger because you have to see it to believe it. 

Daily Job Search on Craigslist

So my usual morning routine is start a pot of coffee, take the kid to school, come home and start drinking said pot o' coffee while I peruse the want ads in the newspaper. Then I turn on the laptop and bring up Craigslist, followed by the local job service website; USAjobs.org; the website of state jobs; monsterjobs; careerfinder; the montana trader; the APA website; the Floodplain Managers website and finally I do a google search.  Some days I find many jobs that fit the bill so I spend a few hours preparing application materials and send them off by noon when I take a shower and then go to the pizza restaurant with my husband and work with him for free.  Blah.  


Other days, I do all of the above only instead of finding anything interesting or realistically worth my while to apply for employment I find stupid thing or jobs that I would never ever apply for such as those listed below:  *Note if you can't read them, click on the image and it will get bigger as if by magic.

This first one was interesting as you can see from my comments however it was lacking any information what so ever.  I am not clear what the job is/was.  I don't want to apply for the job if it involves cleaning out septic tanks or working with smelly people in any way, shape or form.  I bet this announcement would have been much more successful with finding new employees if it would have included some information into what the job is....


Then there was this one:

I definitely do not ever want to be a sign holder or have to wave at traffic especially if I need to act HAPPY as it states.  Ick!


And Finally there was this one which is the one that pays the best and I may be qualified for:

The only problem with this one is that my husband might not like it if I am pregnant with someone else's baby. I thought a little about it but I may have to pass it up.  1) I'm not too clear if it means do I use drugs now or have I ever smoked a little green and 2) When I do the math compared with my old rate of pay when I had a fricking awesome job it just doesn't pan out.  Not that I am a job snob but only earning $25,000 for 9 months work that requires barfing, stretch marks, unreliable hormones, possibly hemorrhoids, pushing out a baby and the recovery time involved it just doesn't seem as hot as it did at first.


So, I guess I will keep looking.  Tomorrow I will be ready with my left-over half pot o' coffee (when one is unemployed it is very wasteful to throw out half a pot, just heat it up again. I no longer have enough money to be uppity like that.  Get over it.  You know you would do it too.)

Musing Over Unemployment

1. Things that eat at you: The next time I hear the words "over qualified" I am going to throw up on the person who is rejecting me as a future employee. At least they will have a real reason not to hire me AND and I will feel better (ever since I lost my job my tummy has hurt).

2. I am annoying like that kid that sat behind you in 7th grade math and made fart sounds and smelled like B.O.: When I actually go through the process of applying for job then obviously I am interested. Right? -- Nope. Apparently people assume that I just spend an hour or two re-tailoring my resume and filling out generic employment applications for shits and giggles. Hmmmm. Why yes! Now that you mention it, I do indeed enjoy this process. Ultimately my end goal IS to accept a job and then abruptly quit just to cause my employer the hassle of repeating the search process. I enjoy causing misery. WTF?!?! My goal is to obtain and sustain gainful employment. Like previously hinted at: I am not enamored with the job search process.


3. Watch your Ps and Qs: Most recently I have remembered that interviewing is not an activity I would chose to partake in more often than the bare minimum required. Yes, it is possible interview more often than just for employment. Those who choose to be involved in the citizen form of government must be interviewed by commissioners and councilmen prior to be appointed. Others are interviewed for research purposes or disseminating information to the general masses. Even those famous people that irk me so much I get an eye twitch when I see or think of them interview as often as possible to stay in the limelight (tilla tequilla *twitch*).

4. Does this simulation have a reset button? I would like to start this level over: I would much rather have an interview that is a simulation. Not just a typing test either. Maybe we could pretend that I already work there and I can make the coffee. We could talk about dinner last night and how I reprimanded with the children this morning about leaving the milk on the counter, again. Or, how last night my husband and I watched a tantalizing episode of 'Cold Case' that we had not been fortunate enough to have seen before. I can ask how their night was. "Did your mashed potatoes turn out too lumpy again or did you finally use the beaters instead?" "Oh, by the way, how was your pedicure? What color did you choose? Oh yes, yes, the french pedicure is classy."

After the chit-chat I can then proofread their latest report, correct the grammar and set the margins correctly. "Did you realize that your font changes for some reason in this section? You will want to fix that so it doesn't look like you are a noob user of Word." Finally, I can compile your notes into a delightfully modern PowerPoint presentation for your evening meeting and then I will smile while you practice your presentation and pretend that I didn't just rewrite it for you.

5. See you later Alligator. Not if I see you first. That should be enough to tell if I will fit in or not. How often will we be sitting here like this anyway? If it is much more than this initial interview then I definitely do not want this job. Thanks, I will just keep looking.