How Do You Think They Intended To Use the Word Intercourse?

Today I opened my email and was delighted to see that I had a response from my resume posted on CareerBuilder.  Finally!  Woo-hoo.  Upon close inspection of the email I found I had some lingering questions regarding the possibility to work out of the home so I sent a response email.  I am unsure if I will receive a reply to my inquiry.  I shall keep you posted.  Below is our correspondence.  I have highlighted that area of concern in the original email.  As the email did not have a signature, I sent the correspondence to the name of the person who sent the email. Have a Blessed Day!  *Note: I included screen shots as to verify the validity of this post. 

Dear Nicole 
Sirius Business Research LLC. EU Company is seeking an Operations Contractor. 100% Home Based opportunity is available in April 2010.
The Company renders risk management researches and consulting services for Iron and Steel Industry.
Descriptions include but are not limited to:

• Cooperate and forwarding client on the Web, by phone or personally
• Paper trail, records and accounting
• Continuing education and training
• Analyzing client's demands and requirements

Wages: $400+/week after short probation period.
Requirements:

• Verbal and written intercourse skills
• Computer skills(Internet, Office)

To apply please send this invitation on leader.mtl.co@gmail.comHr Dept.
Wagramer Str. 4
Hochhaus Neue Donau
Floor 7, office 708.
1220 Vienna, Austria
Sirius Business Research LLC.


Here is my reply:

Dear Priscilla:

In response to your email of April 23, 2010 I am bit concerned that this may not be a legitimate offer. Please reply to this email so I may verify the validity of your offer. As for the required skills, I have been told I am very adept with intercourse in many different manners including both written and verbal.  Whenever I am away from home I engage in verbal intercourse with my husband via telephone.  Sometimes we communicate in that manner via email.  Is this the skill you are looking for?  If so, I would be very interested if it involves my husband.  If not, then I am not interested in having verbal or written intercourse with anyone else.  I made a vow when I got married to be true to one person. Engaging in intercourse with others appears to void this arrangement.

If your email refers to verbal and written skills pertaining to office correspondence then I do believe I am interested.  Please let me know in which manner you are referencing intercourse.  I do not have any interest in becoming one of those phone operators on a 1-976 phone number even if it is a home based business.

Regards,

Nicole

OMG! A Real Job for Real Money??? NO Way!!!!

I received a poorly written phishing email which had presented itself as a job offer.  The email contained many errors.  I felt it was my duty to inform Jane (the fake women who sent me the email) that her communication skills were lacking and a well-planned successful scam would utilize proper grammar and spelling in order to achieve maximize returns.  Below is a copy of the email I received and my response to her.  I hope I hear back from them.  It sounds like a very fun place to work.  By the way, I am available for your proofreading and editing needs as well.  Have a Bless Day!

MY RESPONSE:


Dear Jane:

While I am not interested in being part of your corporate team as a Payment Processing Manager, I am interested in working as a independent proofreader.  Your email had numerous errors and reads as if it was written by the same poor 3rd world worker with basic English skills who translates directions for assembling shelving units and the like.

Below are the items that I feel you should change if you would like your phishing scam letter to have a higher response rate.  This heightened response rate will bring you increased revenue while stealing from people.

1. Do not start with "Real Job for Real Money" in the subject line.  Most rational people assume that "real jobs" will not pay with monopoly money.
2. Third Sentence reads "Do you know what does it entail?"  The grammatically correct sentence would read "Do you know what it entails," or "Do you know what all it entails?".
3. No one would phrase a statement with incorrect tenses such as "It's empower business...".
4. Where the base salary is mentioned there should be a space inserted between 30 and days.
5. It should read "No need to pay" not "No needs to pay."
6. The closing remark should be written to state "Have a blessed day" not "Have a bless day."

I charge $35 an hour for my proofreading work with a minimum of one hour for all jobs.  This first interaction has been a courtesy consult and no fee is being charged at this time.  

I look forward to working with you in the future.  Have a blessed day.

Best Regards,

Nicole