2 1/2 months later

I'm not good at doing much lately except for drinking Miller 64 and enjoying summer.  I have spent the usual amount of time surfing the net and stalking my favorite bloggers and managed to keep myself amused.  Since regaining my vision, I read all three of the book in the Hunger Games trilogy.  I am still nursing a book hangover having just completed Mockingjay about six hours ago.  There has been an abundance of yard work, gardening and beer drinking bocce ball.  A few parties here and there and the usual douchebaggery that goes on living with three males.  The testosterone levels increased for the last month with the visit of my husband's almost-12-year-old son (that would equal 11 but this is the age he presents himself).  Needless to say there has also been an increase in horror movie watching, WWE, video games and outings to stock car races. 

I also feel like I just woke up the inner-Nikki.  By that, I mean the me that used to be me prior to being 30-somethingish.  The me who was more wanton and spontaneous.   I feel so frustrated with life events that are outside of my control that I have just had to start accepting them for what they are and move on in spite of what that may mean.  Changes are coming.  Not sure when but they are.  It's rather like forecasting a storm by the feelings in your bones.  Mine is more like a storm in my head and heart that has been brewing for way too long.  Grab an umbrella and hold on tight.  

Summer Dreamin'

I am a dreamer.  I daydream.  Often.  Some may call me spacey or off-focus but I'm not.  I am really just living another life out inside my head.  In fact, I am the mayor of my own little village of idiots in Nikki-land.  It is a really rockin' coastal community somewhere warm.  The sun always shines and the wind never blows.  I can't tell you how to get there unless you climb into that little door that will also take you into John Malkovich's head.  You should stop by sometime.  We can have umbrella drinks.

Mostly I just go to Nikki-land to escape.  Honestly, life just seems so demanding and overwhelming at times.  I wish I could just sit down and veg out like my kids can but I can't--too much to do.  The school year is always a blur.  This past year working the job from Hell took a toll also.  I couldn't count on anything like making plans with friends or going to a movie.  Twice I went to funerals and actually got calls from my work while I was paying my respect to the deceased. (Note: I turned off the frickin' cell phone when I was at them so they didn't actually ring when I was in the funeral but as soon as I left and turned on the damned phone, I had messages calling me into work).  We made plans with friends and we had to cancel because I got called in because someone was sick or didn't show up so I had to go in and work the floor.  Blah!  I couldn't even get my drink on without the fear someone would call.  That combined with the hell of being unemployed for so long, catching up on bills, juggling the boys' needs and then Alan being out of work when we closed the pizza place left me longing for more.  Hence, Nikki-land sprouted forth.

This summer is a bit different.  The boys both left.  One is at Grandma's and one is traversing the Pacific Northwest visiting other family.  Alan has a decent job with regular hours and I have a job that I am currently Lah-ov-ing!  I cleaned the house the first week the boys left and the bathroom has stayed clean.  The trash only goes out every few days and the dishwasher is crying because it rarely gets used.  We stopped grocery shopping.  The nights Alan works we get dinner there for free.  The days he has off we defrost something from the freezer.  The only thing we really buy is beer.  That is the only store run I make now.  Every 2 weeks I also buy a 1/2 gallon of milk for coffee and maybe cereal if I want some.  Complete 180 from the usual life.

The sad part: I don't know what to do with myself!!!  Like I said, the house is clean, there is nothing to cook, the yard looks great.  Once a week I spend about 2 hours mowing or weeding and then it is done for another week.  I have been outside often but I get a sun rash because I am a freak of nature so I really only go out after the hottest part of the day.  I don't want to get the rash on my face!!!!!  I have gone through my clothes. Organized pictures and had a yard sale for three days.  Finally, that heap of crap from the storage unit is gone (Thank you Jesus!).  And again, not sure what to do.  I can't focus for long periods of time because I am so used to being interrupted with calls of "MOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!" every 5 minutes.  That means books are out of the question right now and I have read all my magazines cover to cover.  

Alan and I don't go to bars because we are old.  We don't eat out together because he works at a restaurant in the evenings and plus, I covered that already.  I have been trying to convince him to start walking with me but it makes us seem like old people.  :)  He is going to put my exercise equipment out for me so I can work out.  That is about all I have to do.  B-O-R-I-N-G!!!

I will be excited to have the kids come back.  I really miss them.  I guess I miss the hectic life more than I thought I would.  

This is how my summer has really been without the kids and that treasured work-life balance....